"...wE mUst bE thE chAnGe wE wiSh tO sEE iN thE wOrld..." K.G.

4/03/2012

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I have started a post many times only to delete it. Nothing seems to sound right or flow. So if this turns out the same, hey that's why it won't be here... Just so's ya know.

I have been working nearly every day, filling in for peeps on vaycay and such. Our hospital is changing over to a whole new computer program called EPIC. Fuck, Fuckety Fuck Fuck I JUST learned the old one! But we all will be training, I have the first class this morning from 7-9:30 as it my day off, of course. OHHHH,  I am SO not a MORNING person. I will be crabby no matter how much coffee I gulp down. Whoa are those who sit near this cranky lezzie first thing in the morning. Ya know, I could never work your normal 9-5 job because I would kill someone. I would come in to work breathing fire, flipping everyone off at least, well, like twice.

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I am at a crossroads once more in my life. My sister Denise who lives here, wants to pay for a membership for me to a gym with an indoor pool, so we could swim several times a week. I'm a Scorpio. Water is my element. I had a porpoise as a dolphin in my previous life. I LERVE being in water. As some of you regulars remember my pool pictures last year? Eatin that red, juicy watermelon by the bowl fulls? Oh, thanks, now I'm droolin and craving melon. I already miss our old pool. It was perfect for me to just step out the back door like a dirty whore and throw my lean machine into the awaiting unsuspecting water... I will never have it so good like that. Priv-a-see for all things kinky, skinny dipping, sex, pervin... oh just all kinds of things... I cherish those mammeries, always will. Now another family has moved in and will be making mammeries of their own.

I am awaiting blood work results from last Thursday, as I have been having a lot of pain where me pancreas is.. I can hardly move sometimes, and when the doc was done palpating my flesh like it was play fucking dough, I was in tears. I wonder WTF could be wrong in that eastern region of this babe's beautiful stretchmark less bod... Hope it's not the C word. I couldn't handle it if he told me I had CELLULITE. no sireeeee bob.

In the Diane department, I think I am giving making head way. Things are becoming clearer to me, such as realizing that even if we were together again, it just wouldn't make me happy. Too much water under the bridge now, between us. I may always love her, but at least I can say with honesty, I am happy being alone. Even if I have cellulite, I am feeling comfy cozy here in my little apartment, and it's ok that I am alone. In fact I prefer it. I have decorated it my way, arranged everything my way... I come and go when I want to, and I don't have to answer to or check with anyone if its ok or not. I can flatulate of my own free will, I have never lived on my own in my life, before now. I went right into my marriage to David, from my ma's house. Then after he left I went into low income housing with me four kid lets... Then Diane came into the picture. Now my kids are grown and on their own, and I have me. I HAVE ME. And I love it. It's OK to be alone, look at all of the beauty this lone tree is surrounded with. I could be this tree.

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Even IF I were to meet someone down the line, and that's a BIG if, I wouldn't want to live with her. I want to keep me independence. It feels rewarding to be self sufficient. I think everyone should have time to live on their own and experience what it feels like. All of my kids have done so, and that's a good thing. Well on that note, I do have to be in class in 4 hours so I should probably get some beauty sleep now. I have plans later today, as well. Sorry I said FUCK so much, I swear, when I am happy- go figure. Cuz I swear when I'm not, too. I don't even NEED a reason to say FUCK. I just enjoy it. It rolls off my tongue soooooo smoothly, SO intelligently, that I continue to amaze meself every time it "comes hither" I love those words, Maria! 

C

4 comments:

ChiTown Girl said...

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

THAT'S how much I love you!!!

I'm glad you're loving the time with yourself. I'm SO with you! As happy as I am with the MAJOR changes that have been going on around here, I REALLY miss having my house to myself. I mean, I REALLY, REALLY miss it! Since I'm on the subject, I miss having my bed to myself, and my bathroom to myself, and, well, you get the idea. Does that make me a big flaming bitch? Maybe, but so do so many other things! ;-)

Ok, one more time, just for you...

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

xoxox

greg said...

I liked this post a lot! And I wouldn't mind being that tree out there.

Let us know about the test results, please. xoxo

Clippy Mat said...

I liked this post a lot too. You are so funny.
you know if you are writing blog posts 4 hours before you have to get up and go to work/training then it's no bloody wonder you're not a morning person! get some shut eye woman.
good on you for enjoying your freedom too.
good on you for seeing the positive side to life.
good on you for being a tree surrounded by beauty.
whut?
hugs
;-}}}

jo.irish.rose said...

What you mean you don't answer to anyone??? You know I'm your boss.....bwahahahahaha!!! Love you toone!!!