I miss her.
I miss my best friend in the whole world. I have had to fight my strong urge to write to her, or call her... just to hear her voice, and know how she is doing.
I miss our talks and cooking together, playing with Bella and shopping. mainly I miss her company, her hugs, and how I felt so safe in her arms.. how I loved being a part of her life.
and now, I feel as though I have been totally amputated, there's no contact, nothing.. I will never understand how a person can just throw the one they loved, away.
I never will.
I never will..
when I love someone, it takes root deep into my heart, like a plant into the ground. and even if the tops get cut off, the roots remain.
there have only been two people I have ever felt this deeply about, aside from my kids.. David & Diane. I will never allow myself to EVER feel this way again. NEVER.
it was all gone so quickly. right before my eyes, I had no control, I had no power to make her stay. our last week together was awful. it was all about her leaving, she kept moving back the date until she was to fly out weeks before she originally planned. and I had no say in any of it.
and she was distant, and sharp with me. the only time her voice softened was when she spoke to HER on the phone.
she didn't want me to touch her. that really hurt, still, even now. she turned into someone else whom I didn't recognize and I want the old Diane back. it fucking breaks my heart knowing she is with HER, giving her what used to be mine and still should be.
OMG I am hurting SO MUCH. Please God, help me make it through this tonight..
I miss my best friend.