"...wE mUst bE thE chAnGe wE wiSh tO sEE iN thE wOrld..." K.G.


..things haven't been all hunky dory here this past week. due to weather, my caseworker has cancelled one appointment after another. I cant stand feeling like I am being strung along. when she did finally come over, she informed me that my company didn’t want to hire me back.. but then I thought after she left, how the fuck does she know that?

..I am about to lose my seniority and hourly wage I spent 10 years accruing, and if I go with another company, I will start over at entry level. I am angry and sadly very depressed.

..I need to get my fight on and just make a few calls to some people I know and apply for a job in the NICU. of course, that’s where I fell in the first place so I don’t know how that will turn out but I have to definitely try. all they can do is say no.

..my caseworker used to work for my company too, and ended up leaving there with sour grapes… so I am beginning to think she is biased and at my expense does not want me to return there.

..I’ve GOT to do something.. we are down to our last pennies and I don’t even know how I will make my car payment this month. I can’t keep living like this. it’s bringing me into the darkness and I just can’t go there.

..I have been secluding myself in the comfort of my home, wondering how much longer I’ll be able to live here. I have isolated from my family and friends. hopefully they will still be there when I pull myself out of this muck. most days I don’t even get dressed, just stay in my jammies where I feel safe. I feel like I have nothing to offer to anyone because I am so empty right now.

..last night I felt SO stressed I had chest pain that was pretty moderate, it woke me up from sleep, and I had to take 2 doses of nitro. it went away but now I need to see the cardiologist next week about this angina because I am worried I might have a heart attack. it seems like everything is happening at once and I am struggling to stay afloat.

..I want to scream at the top of my lungs and gain control over my life again.. being at someone else's mercy is just not sitting well with me. there are a few other painful things going on in my life but I don’t want to discuss them on here. in case you are wondering though, Diane and I are fine, it’s not “us”.



ChiTown Girl said...

You need to get a new case worker!! Fuck that bitch! How very unprofessional to inject her personal feelings about the company into your business! What a ho-bag! Obviously, you're not too thrilled with them, either, after the lovely ass-fucking they've been giving you for the past year, but shit, girl needs a damn job!!!

I would be calling her office ASAP and asking for another case worker. AND, I'd be explaining exactly why to her supervisors. BITCH!!!! ARGH!! I'm totally pissed about this!!! I think I just broke my exclamation point key, so I'd better go. :(

Jim said...

Hi Chris. Yikes, I figured something was up. What happened to the 'help-line' for kids job prospect?
You know you are in a jam right now, right? So, what are your options considering what has happened to you this past year? Are you in a union? If so get them to help you with the company that doesn't want you any more. If not, then you have to relinquish some control.
Your options have been somewhat reduced, to say the least, but shit happens and sometimes there just isn't much we can do about it.
The important thing is that you need a job ASAP.....to pay the bills and get your self 'back on track'. That is important. Forget about getting mad at people and yourself....it's not going To help one little bit. Just will make things worse.
And how do I know? And who the hell do I think I am? Well, I went through a similar thing 3 years ago and it made our world stop for a while. We had to make adjustments, stop getting mad at the world for being SO awful to us AND stop feeling sorry for ourselves. It was difficult but we are better for it now.
Life can be a PAIN. But that is just how it goes.
Ouch! You can do it and you must! You have a reputation to uphold Missy!

Busy Bee Suz said...

I agree with everyone else.
You need to make some demands C...for yourself. You have to pull yourself out of this. And being in your jammies all day is not going to cut it. {sorry} Take the bull by the horns. Get on the horn. You are a strong woman, and you have to stand up for yourself here. You have a lot to offer this world and any future employers.

jo.irish.rose said...

toone...i think you need to call this witch too and tell her what for. give her the bidness!!! i mean it! she has put you off so many times and doesnt really care what happens to you. think of how mad you were when she put you off, then call. of call your sister...then get off the phone with her...lol, then call. that should put you in the mood. the only thing that worries me is if they assign you another case worker, they may bump you back. i just hate what they are doing to you. if i was there....oooooh i would beat some stupid lady.

i think you and i need a road trip. we need to get away. but first we gotta take care of all this. so, go do that, k? lemme know. love you...

Maria said...

First take a breath. Then, make your list. I agree, you need to get back to work. It will make you feel better, really. Once you are getting up and going in to work daily, you will feel better, more productive.

Maybe not a great idea to apply to the same place that you fell though...why don't you think of the places where you might be needed the most and start there? And yes, you may have to start at the bottom of the pole....but at least you will be moving. Once you start moving, the rest may sort itself out.

That first step is a bitch, though. Seriously.

Technodoll said...

You are a fighter C, not a quitter - I believe in you!!

And I know you believe in yourself. This is just a small bump in the road, you've been over massive mountains before!

Maybe set up a donation button on your blog for this month, I'm sure if everyone pitches in a little something it will help you make ends meet until you can get back on your working feet again...

Just a thought ((XXX))

C said...

thank you all for the words of comfort and encouragement.. it helps me more than i can say. i really appreciate it.

you guys just rock.