"...wE mUst bE thE chAnGe wE wiSh tO sEE iN thE wOrld..." K.G.


Funny Dog Pictures - Bloodhound

School bus..not too long ago I looked up and found a man who was in my 3rd grade class in elementary school. he was a bully to me, and ridiculed me in class every chance he had. he called me names in front of other kids, and picked on me outside of school as well. even just his NAME smoldered a tiny flame in the corners of my mind..

School bus..regardless, I guess the details don’t really matter now, but my point is that when I found him on Facebook, he seemed to have had a happy life, married with kids etc.. good job.. and he didn’t remember picking on me back in the day. I had placed him in my “people who have hurt me” category in my mind, all these years..

School bus..I brought it up in a very covert, jokingly fashion, so as not to reach through the screen and twist what he thinks is his manhood.. or spit on him like he did to me.. so we laughed about how kids are and it was the end of it. I see him on Facebook every now and again but we just mumble a few casual HI's here and there.

School bus..I find it amazing how something that was so painful and hellish when I was a kid in school, has stayed with me and haunted me all of my life. I do not mean to say that I directly suffered from his words throughout my life as they were just a small part of the shitty childhood I had..

School bus..but the result of his actions and words seemed way more detrimental and powerful to me back then, when he obviously never thought twice about it and went on his merry lil way with no worries.. meanwhile I went home crying many a time.

School bus..it’s all in the perspective of things, isn't it.. what seems to be a huge thing to one can be fleeting and unimportant past the moment in which it was said, to the other. yet it continues to have a bit of power over you, if only to knock that precious self esteem down a notch or two.

School bus..if this occurs in more than one area of a kid’s life, it adds up to be bigger than it’s worth. which in my case it did, because not only was I not safe at school, I wasn’t safe at home, either. kids can be so cruel and not even realize how what they say can affect someone.

School bus..bruises heal but words stay with you forever… that is until you realize they have no real power over you and you flush them down the toilet like the crap they were in the first place. back then, parents didn’t explain what bullying was and didn’t do much to protect you, either. you were on your own.

School bus..and so we have the youth of today even into their teenage years who have so much pain from being ridiculed and bullied for many reasons such as sexual orientation, poverty, status, physical appearance, etc.. sometimes there is NO reason except for the meanness of the bully.

School bus..what I have come to realize is that many bullies are being bullied themselves either in their family or peers, to fit in, and feel powerless over their own pain so they need to restore their self worth or balance things out by doing the same to someone weaker than they are and thus goes the cycle..

School bus..the victim feels desperate and takes the only way out they know of that ends their suffering. it’s not that they really want to die, they just want the pain to cease. they want peace. they want to be allowed to be who they are and have it be OK. this is something every single person deserves and has the right to have. I can SO understand that and want to do something about it in my lil corner of the world.

School bus..I am meeting with my caseworker today for workman's comp. and she has asked me what I want to do career wise.. I mentioned working at a hotline for teens, as it’s something I know I can do with having my strength come from my brain rather than my ailing body.. It’s just a thought at this point, but I feel like that is something I would very much like to look into.

Well, it’s Friday!!!!

yeah, farm out, dude…Hot smile

I love you, man!!!! Rolling on the floor laughing

hee hee have a good one.




jo.irish.rose said...

wow...farm out dude? a lil blast from the 70's? you made a really good choice about your profession. i assume they will send you to some training courses and stuff. they did for me. for transcription. tho i couldn't finish, it was a really good and high end education...i loved it. we just moved in the middle of my course. i think you got the right stuff baby for it. and since your up all night anyway...lol you can work the night shift...when most peeps are calling in with problems!!

im rootin tootin for you toone...i wish she woulda showed up tho, hope you make your deadline. love you!!

joe said...

Oh I used to get picked on all the time. I was always the smallest guy in the class, and a bit effeminate. Even my teachers chimed in. I would have fought back, but then I would've ruined this glorious leisure suit I'm sporting here. Go ahead, call me names, just don't mess up my suit.
or my hair..

Busy Bee Suz said...

I had my fair share of teasing too, but it was not usually to the point of bullying. (except for this one girl...and let me tell you, she has been hit with the ugly stick up oneside and down the other, so I am happy!)
We just had a situation here on Monday. at the girls' school. Two boys got off the bus and one started a fight with the other, the one who was defending himself pulled out a knife and stabbed the otther kid and he died. Right there at the bus stop. NOW, it is coming out that the boy with the knife has been bullied since the beginning of school, was scared to go to school and was just sick of being picked on.
Because of these actions, two families are destroyed....a 16yr old is dead and a 14yr old is in jail.
Such a shame...I will never ever get what bullies get out of this.
I know they learn it at home...but still. Horrible.


C said...

wow suz i am so sorry. it just makes me so sad and sick. a few posts back i mentioned about a kid here who killed a vice principal and then himself.. what is wrong with the kids today? if someone had stepped in to help the bullied kid none of that woulda happened!

joe, i'm so sorry you got picked on. if i woulda been yo' mama i would of kicked some asses... you didnt deserve any of that.

kids are so cruel.

Technodoll said...

I'm so sorry you got bullied as a child... nobody should ever have to go through that. And yes, I know how shitty it feels and how things can stick with you your whole life. Blah!

But now! you're in control! And you can make a difference. I think your new job idea is absolutely brilliant :)

Jim said...

Chris! You would be perfect for that kind of job! Not everyone can or would be effective at it. But you? Betcha! The kids would learn to trust you just because you are who you are....a kind, thoughtful and caring woman. Kids, as you know, can 'sense' trust in people from a mile away.

Only one word of advice....you would have to learn to separate work from home and not bring work home with you. You may know how to do that already....but just in case.

Hey good luck kiddo and if I could, I would certainly recommend you!

Maria said...

I would bet you my mortgage that he remembers more than he is owning up to....

Jason, as himself said...

The kicker is that he says he doesn't even remember...and I just saw Maria's comment saying about the same thing. Yep.

I know how you feel/felt. And you're right, the bullies themselves were probably being bullied too. Maybe. Or maybe they're one of those snotty brats who had a pretty easy life and just wanted to be mean for the hell of it!

Who knows? But we all have to move past it. Sometimes I'm pretty sure I have moved past it all. Other times I'm not so sure.

Thank God we have friends now as grown ups who show us what friendship should really be about.

Tracey Axnick said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tracey Axnick said...

This really hit me. When I was in 8th grade, we had just moved to Atlanta... I was painfully shy, had NO friends, and I remember this HORRID boy Vince(last name withheld although you better believe I remember it and EVERYTHING about him) saying the most horrible, mean, and cruel things to me. Things that just CUT me to the core!

Whoever came up with the saying "sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me", should be throttled!! (Well, not REALLY... but you know what I mean). Here I am, at 43 years old, and I still CLEARLY remember how the hot tears burned on my red face from the horrible things he said to me, and the shame and humiliation he made me feel.

And you know what? I bet he not only doesn't remember me... I bet even if he DID remember me (which I doubt), he wouldn't remember a THING about what happened....

that's why bullying is so insipid and awful... it does such "invisible" damage to its victims.