lo and behold it is snowing here in Omaha, tonight. started off as rain but I think we are accumulating 1-2 inches so far. we are under a winter storm watch until later Saturday afternoon. Christophe came over early this afternoon to have dinner with us. I made spaghetti sauce that simmered all day. it was yummy. then we watched “date night” and it was pretty funny with a good point to it.
Diane is on the couch watching the NAT-GEO channel about sperm whales and squids… I do enjoy a good documentary but tonight I’m just not feeling it.
on Oprah today her show was about men who were molested as little boys and how it has destroyed their lives with the after effects. I had tears in my eyes for these men as I am familiar with the after effects, but one thing I never thought about before was something the therapist said on her show.. “just because a boy responds to the physical feelings he may have while being molested, it doesn’t mean he wants it to happen, it doesn’t mean he is gay, and it isn't sex they were having.. he is being perpetrated, raped, and violated… it has nothing whatsoever to do with having sex”.
these boys had grown up blaming themselves rather than the bastards who did it to them, as I did. the therapist also stated that having been molested did not make you gay. you are born to be the sexual orientation you are, it isn't a consequence of molestation.
this helped me because I have always questioned myself as I was married to David then seemed to have “switched over” to the other side after our divorce.. so a part of me always wondered if it was due to my past and my mistrust of men… but now I see that this is really who I am and I had been hiding all those years out of shame.
well I don’t want to write another “deep” post so I will leave it at that.. but it just goes to prove to me that I should always be open to learning more about myself and peeling back yet another layer so I can heal.
here’s to all the survivors out there.. we are NOT damaged goods, we were victims and we can take our power back!