"...wE mUst bE thE chAnGe wE wiSh tO sEE iN thE wOrld..." K.G.

4/17/2010

nOcturnal stAte.

what is it about night time that i have always been drawn to? as far back as i can remember, i felt like i was one with the universe, after dark. when i was little and stared at the moon i thought i could see the moon's face. do i have vampire blood within these veins? is it because my dad was a truck driver and did most of his driving at night? am i part werewolf?

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i do love the moon. it draws me in.... i am very content to lay outside at night and just look up at the stars and the moon. it's my favorite part of camping. when the moon is full, it seems to draw me in even more. i think my circadian rhythm is set to P.M.!!

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this is why when i began working, i always wanted to work the night shift. i come alive, i am more focused and alert. i prefer the atmosphere. i was just driving home earlier from visiting my old friends at the hospital where i used to work. as i drove through our lil town, all was quiet.. peaceful..

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anything can happen at night. i feel an odd anticipation for something out of this world, to occur. i gaze around me with a slight hope it will, yet there is a bit of fear in case it might..

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it felt strange to be back on my unit, so many memories.. but what struck me the most was how relieved i felt that i didn't work there any longer. i have been gone for 6 months now due to the injury... and the relief of all the stress that came with my job there, has left me realizing i dO. nOt. want. tO. gO. back. there.

i miss my friends but honestly, they are the only tie that still binds me there.. and even with that, its not strong enough where i would go back. i didn't realize how stressful it was to work for an inconsistent boss who fluttered around in everyone's business and would have you start a new task before you finished the prior one she'd asked you to do... the stress of having to cater to the predicted needs of the doctors who are so spoiled they couldn't even look up their own vital signs on their patients... 

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it's time for me to move on, and find my niche somewhere else, a job that will suit me at this point in my life, that will be just right for me.. i am very glad i went to visit tonight.. it turned out to be a small gift to myself.. i may not know what i want to do next but i now know what i don't want to go back to.

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P.S.

even Van Morrison's "moon dance" makes me feel romantically moony..

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Well it's a marvelous night for a moondance
With the stars up above in your eyes
A fantabulous night to make romance
'Neath the cover of October skies
And all the leaves on the trees are falling
To the sound of the breezes that blow
And I'm trying to please to the calling
Of your heart-strings that play soft and low
You know the night's magic
Seems to whisper and hush
And all the soft moonlight
Seems to shine in your blush...
Can I just have one a' more moondance with you, my love?
Can I just make some more romance with a' you, my love?
Well I wanna make love to you tonight
I can't wait till the morning has come
And I know now the time is just right
And straight into my arms you will run
And when you come my heart will be waiting
To make sure that you're never alone
There and then all my dreams will come true dear
There and then I will make you my own
And every time I touch you, you just tremble inside
And I know how much you want me that, you can't hide...
Can I just have one a' more moondance with you, my love?
Can I just make some more romance with a' you, my love?

5 comments:

ChiTown Girl said...

I'm SO glad that you made that visit! It makes me smile to see that you're happy not to be going back. It's funny how when you're living it, you don't see the stress that you're under. But, once you step away from the situation, it all becomes crystal clear. Now that your feeling about losing your job have completely shifted from the negative to the positive, only good things will be coming your way. I'm sure of it!

Clippy Mat said...

C:
I was going to say more or less what Ch-chi up there said. She said it better. So I will just agree with her. I see you moving in a new direction now. You have worked your way forwards slowly but surely. I think you will find a new niche.
I LOVE Van Morrison and that song in particular is beautiful.
I see why you would be a night owl; it's when you are the most introspective and when you are able to work out your thoughts and feelings.
hugs,
:-)

Busy Bee Suz said...

I love Van Morrison as well..that song never ever gets old.
I think you are part vampire and part werewolf. I just can't figure out which part is where...do you have pointy teeth and hairy legs? Yes? Well, then your upper part is vampire and the lower part is werewolf.
Aren't you glad I could help you?
You get an A+ in figuring out what you don't want to do anymore. OR where you don't want to be.

hugs,
Suz

That corgi :) said...

loved your comment about doctors; having worked in the medical field for the majority of my life in various capacities, I can honestly say you described them quite well

good luck in your search to find what you next want to do; it is always an interesting journey to see what is available and what you want to do

loved your description about your love of the night; I'm more of a daytime person; come the night and I'm ready to hit the sack and go to sleep

enjoy the weekend

betty

Technodoll said...

All things happen for a reason, C... It's one thing to be believe it but another to live it. You have both :)

Looove the night sky... I regret not spending enough time gazing at it. Rare though, is the perfect night when the sky is clear, the stars bright, warm enough to be outside comfortably, no bugs, no mist... just perfection.

Hope to live a few of those nights this summer, I'll be thinking of you :)