"...wE mUst bE thE chAnGe wE wiSh tO sEE iN thE wOrld..." K.G.

12/01/2009

the adoption option.

112 7-9-09 my first born, Nicholas. 25 years old

i have so many feelings going on in my mind right now and only one finger to type everything i wanna say... due of course to my gimpy other arm.

i don't know how many of you have heard of or even watched a new show i have recently found called "the locator" with Troy Dunn on WE TV. my regular readers are aware that my first two children are adopted and that my oldest son Nicholas' birth mother is part of our lives and considered a part of our family now. [http://midwestern-mama-with-a-new-york-heart.blogspot.com/2009/05/i-want-to-tell-you-story-about-couple.html] well, to make a long story short, one night when we were visiting her, she happened to turn the TV on and lo & behold this show "the locator" was on. she explained all about it to Diane and i, we watched it, and all cried together as it is so touching. Troy, the show's host, helped his own mother find her birth family 20 years ago as it had been her life long goal. the birth parents rejected her but her brother did not. eventually Troy began assisting other people in finding family members who had been adopted as babies and/or very young children... he and his staff do this with very little bits and pieces of information you would never think would be enough to  find some one, but is. it is a wonderful true life show that always touches me and makes me cry.

my point to all of this relates to something my son is personally dealing with right now. his birth mom recently told her now 3 children that there is also a fourth son she gave birth to and relinquished, who is 11 months older than Nicholas. my son is 25 years old and has always known he was adopted. my son and her other 2 sons have the same birthfather, her daughter is the youngest from a man she married and has since divorced. 

presently, Nicholas is having a picnic basket of feelings about all of this. it is alot to deal with but basically he is excited to meet his other brother, as he is now on the other side of the fence.... but at the same time he is also afraid of rejection. i will be there for all of them no matter what happens. i hope and pray the 3rd brother is found and everyone has a happy ending with this. our beautiful birthmother deserves resolution and closure on 2 very painfully difficult decisions she had to make years ago, that have left holes in her heart and soul ever since.

i have been watching this show with my family in mind every time. i can only imagine how it would feel to discover you have a mother, sister, brother, or father when all you have ever known is the family you grew up in. this show portrays over and over again the results and effects adoption can have in our lives. mostly all good, however not always. the amount of emotion involved when bio family members are reunited humbles me right to the deepest part of my soul. i can feel it right there with them. the past may have been painful but their future has hope and endless possibilities. imagine being told the worst reasons on why you were adopted...  "you weren't wanted".... "you were unlovable"... or worse yet, having no idea you were adopted and/or have siblings. some of the lies these people grow up believing, out of fear and insecurities from the adoptive couple, is horrendous. then to watch the truth unfold and completely change the adoptee's life forever for the good, leaves me in awe. i have lived part of that story. i have been a witness to what unselfish love can do.

i am a firm believer that adoption is a wonderfully loving option. birthmothers could have chosen abortion but didn't. that alone, despite the circumstances, shows she had enough love to give her child a future.

i will keep you posted on my son's unfolding journey.

109

Nicholas, his birth mom, & his sistah from anuddah mistah!

they are all so beautiful!

i LOVE them!

crp

10 comments:

Clippy Mat said...

wow. your posts always make me SO emotional C. i love how you share your family and your stories. i have seen the show you mentioned and it was great. i hope nicholas' story has a positive outcome for him and i am sure you will keep us posted.
p.s. he is a very handsome young man. :-))
p.p.s.
hope you're getting better :-)

kimber p said...

I love how your heart spreads all over your posts, C...you've lived with so much hurt and yet you don't let that stop you from loving and giving to others.

Your children should thank God every single day for a mother like you. :)

Busy Bee Suz said...

I LOVE this show. The girls and I can watch them for hour and hours from my tivo'ed episodes...of course I cry like a baby through them all. Did you see the new show coming to primetime that is very similar to the Locator?
I hope Christopher finds his brother...I hope that the family circle can be completed for them all.
Gosh, he should be an abercrombie model, don't you think????
Let us know what happens...sending prayers and good mojo for a nice ending to this tale.

oh, and gosh darnit, recycle 100% or I will hurt your good arm. I will. really. I will.
:)

Busy Bee Suz said...

Whoops, I thought that was Christopher...my bad: Nicholas.

ok, now I won't hurt your good arm since I messed up.

next time. ;0

ChiTown Girl said...

ABC just premiered a new show that sounds almost identical to this show. It's called Find My Family (I think) and I watched it last night. Very moving. I hope Nicholas is able to find peace with all this.

Um...and, yes, I DO realize this is wildly inappropriate, but...HE'S SMOKIN' HOT!!!! Da-um!!!

Technodoll said...

Are you saying this woman had 4 children and adopted all of them out?

Or did I misread?

Nic is one handsome gentleman, it shows you love him to bits by how you talk about him! Awe :-)

DysFUNctional Mom said...

What an interesting story. Did you know there's another show along those same lines that just started on ABC? It's called Find my Family.
Your son is gorgeous!!

C said...

thanks for all of the compliments, peeps.
yes i know about the other show but have yet to watch it. TD, she had 4 kids total and the middle 2 are adopted out.

c

Chloie said...

I've always believed in adoption. It is one of the greatest thing a person can do.... I won't judge a woman who has to give up her kids, either. I'm sure she's got perfectly good reasons to have done it.

PS. Your son is very good-looking!

J. Hi said...

Nicholas is a hottie! Will you introduce me? Oh wait, I'm married. :)

You are wonderful to accept his birth family into your life and not feel threatend. You are a wonderful example of a mom.