"...wE mUst bE thE chAnGe wE wiSh tO sEE iN thE wOrld..." K.G.


random thoughts on a Percocet night..


i feel old. SO old. I'm only 54 which chronologically isn't old, but my body feels like it is in it's 90's. the dry skin, the saggy places, all the wear and tear.. the toes resembling lil snausages.. the lack of motivation... pwwwffffff it's all there. i see videos of kids in their 20's dancing all over the place having a good time... i had that for oh, 5 mins.. i would not be able to keep up with it today. I'd probably trip walking out to the dance floor! "FALLING" is my new middle name and the floor is my new BFF.

i used to LOVE to dance. when the kids were little I'd put some good music on and we'd all dance in the living room. them up on the coffee table using the broom as a mike, and moi dancing my lil heart out whilst singing.... and we'd laugh, it was such fun. dem days be ovah for this gimp. so why do i feel so old?


well, presently, i am wrapped up in my blankie sittin at the puter, eatin chocolate with a diet soda.. [go figure] contemplating what to do about Christmas. my gimp arm is throbbing, I'm waitin for da pain meds to kick in... and I'm like trying to kick my own ass to get motivated to do SOMETHING... like get up to pee.. but the way things are tonight i will sit here until i am about to burst... then hobble into the loo hunched over... gimp arm danglin at me side.. the kidneys will be backing up, the ole bladder will be spasming.. and I'll cuss like a horny sailor with no port in sight wondering why i waited so long.. same shit. different day.


why do they call this candy "bridge mix" anyways.. i have YET to find anything resembling a bridge in the 2,000 boxes i have eaten this week alone. i have been looking for the Manhattan bridge, the San Francisco bridge and any signs of those lil covered country bridges thrown in for good measure. i always get the bad box.

besides, there's only like 5-6 pieces i really like anyway. i  leave the rest for the kids. they'll eat anything.

ok, Percocet... WTF is taking you SO long?

i went to the dr.'s today for my weekly x-rays... [did you know i now glow in the dark and boy oh boy my teeth look REALLY white!]


seems like next Tuesday is the clincher [deciding factor, NOT the sphincter] for the surgery. today's x-ray didn't look so good, like the bones are not sticking together as expected... so I'll be gettin the old rod up the arse humorous and that's not ferkin funny... i dread it. i always fear I'm going to die in surgery. the worst part for me is just before they take me in, and they put the mask on me and i feel like i am suffocating... then I'm out and it only seems like 5 seconds when I'm awake again and puking.


ahhh, the good life. total body cleansing. nuttin like it, ey?

on the upside, i have shared with you guys that I've been sleeping upright in a chair in the living room, remember? well, found out today that workman's comp. is delivering a recliner in the morning so i can sleep reclined and really put my snausages i mean feet up, above my heart. yippeeeeeeeeeeeee i can sleep I CAN SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it's the little things, ya know..?

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! lol. lmao. lmfao. lmfaorof. yep, there're HEEERRREEE... lervely Percocet's are kickin in... ooh. ah. oh yeah, babe..

[jumps up and does a high slam dunk like Michael Jordan picking on koby Bryant... oh wait. there're friends, aren't they. never mind]

well that's my cue... the chair [but for the last time] awaits me. can someone come tuck me in? i need a drink, mommy.. oh, and scratch R.I.G.H.T. there...ahhhhhhhhhhhh yeah, that'll do, donkey.. that'll do.

g'night peeps.




J. Hi said...

Mmmmm, I love Percocet. Makes me feel all yummy. ;)

You are so funny in the face of such a tough situation. Hang in there, girl, I'm rooting for you.

King of New York Hacks said...

Great post . Had me laughing all the way, we are rooting for you..in a big way. Keeup the great work C and thanks for the words of support on my own blog, as you know they are ALWAYS well received. Oh and I will make sure those fuckers don't rip anyone else off !! Thanks.


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joe said...

The retirement village people!! Hahahahahaha

kimber p said...

omg..sincerely hysterical post. I have to steal that weiner dog picture, that looks exactly like my baby, Dexter.

take care girl :)

C said...

you are always welcome to anything you like off my blog, kimber!
your baby must be so adorable!


Jude said...

bridge mix....I always thought that candy was for the folks that play cards.

can't you get some fairy dust in the mix so you don't wake up puking? I guess I was lucky with that one.

you and me can be recliner, pill popping buddies!

dont eat the token said...

Girl, your blog is all sunshine! I will be back to read your insights and enjoy all the cartoony fun you have on here. :)

C said...

welcome, don't!


Clippy Mat said...

oh you make me laugh so much! so glad you're going to get some sleep in a proper position. lovely.
fingers crossed for next Tuesday.

Technodoll said...

I wonder how long it takes you to type up a post with funny pics and all - you GO, girl, drugs and diet soda and bridges and all :-D

I'd be wallowing in misery and forget about trying to be funny or communicate with the world.

*bows to C*

C said...

oh TD you silly girl... this IS how i deal with shit.. if i cant laugh at meself then i'd be in a deeper hole than digging to china! bwahahahahahaha


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