i have news, my peeps.... news that will make you go
hhmmmm ewwwww, Ouchy!
Tuesday night i
floated worked at another unit that i occasionally do. it's a NICU and they needed extra help. this particular hospital had a gang group family of quints! [that's FIVE! five dollah foot longs] and 2 of the 3 babies i had were some of the quints. soooooooo precious, soooooooooooo cute, soooooooooo tiny... well my shift was nearly over, i was performing my final assessment on the last of my trio. ok, picture this. his blanket fell off the top of his giraffe [betcha didn't know 3 pound babies ride giraffes, did ya..] [actually it's the name of the isolette they are kept in, silly peeps]. so i, being the clever nurse that i am, walked around the giraffe to pick it up. unbeknownst to moi, my foot had become entangled with the EKG lead all the NICU babies wear and as i proceeded to try to pick up the blanket, i tripped and went down faster than a lesbian at an all you can eat buffet! smash went my body into the floor. my left arm was twisted into an almost demonic position where the sight of it makes you scream in your mind.."HOLY SHIT! WHO'S ARM IS THAT?" and i can validate that it did exactly so in my mind. one of the other nurses saw/heard me hit the floor and came a running. [the blanket remained where it fell]. turned out that ER sent a squad up to heft me off the floor [i am no spring chicken lightweight, ya know]. took 3 of them to get me on the slide board, heft me up, and onto the awaiting cart. down to ER i go in agonizing pain. they rolled me so fast the hairs in my nostrils were flying about. after approx. 30 mins of waiting, [of course it's fucking shift change] the nurse finally comes in and has to cut my 45 dollah scrub top off so i could get in a gown. i tell her i need to use the restroom. [i had a lil accident in my pants from the pain and fear i just recently experienced]. i kept apologizing because she had to play mommy with me and clean me up. now in my line of work, i do this and more for women after they deliver their babies cuz they DO tend to be a lil messy.... HOWEVER, when it's your ass on the line- so to speak- it's just your worst nightmare, on wheels. i had diahhrea. gas. the really bad explosive kind that one gets when they fall face first on the floor.. did i mention it was a very small absolutely tiny bathroom? i could see the poor nurse's nostrils flaring as she tried not to puke. i kept apologizing to which she replied, "its ok hon, this isn't the first time nor will it be the last". [this is where i think she threw up in her mouth a little].. whatta sweetheart. bless.
the dr. finally came in [the ER room not the bathroom] and ordered x-rays and informed me it was the first time they were going live with a new charting program... yes. it was my lucky day.
after an hour of crying like a baby in the wheelchair, they took me for the x-rays. lemme punch the bitch who wanted me to stand & pose this way and that way and stop shaking, crying, and hold my breath! i have never been in so much pain in my life. with every lil movement or taking of a deep breath, i could excruciatingly feel bone grating against bone. and this bitch was ordering me around like a gay man at a fashion show. here is my x-ray result. you can see the break and where the bones splinter off just under the shoulder.
perty, ain't it?
when they returned me to my room, Diane and Nicholas were there. i was SO glad. the orthopedic dr. put a compression brace on it which is supposed to hold the bones in place and keep them aligned. [did i tell you i begged for VERSED for the procedure? they said no. i think they thought i was being wimpy.. fucktards.] i have an appointment with the dr. who did my shoulder back in January, today- so i will update you as things change. until then, Diane has become my caregiver and has to help me with everything. i sleep in a chair cuz i cant lay down.. i can't even pull up my own pants after going to the bathroom! she showered me yesterday and what a fiasco that was. ohmygod! bless her little Florence Nightingale heart. so here i am. totally constipated AGAIN due to the painkillers i am on. the Colace I'm taking is NOT doing its fucking job i tell ya. if i could kick my own ass i certainly would, for fallin like a girl up there in the presence of those babies. this has NOT been a nice year for me... it came in like a herd of elephants runnin from the paparazzi and erm, yeah... it's pretty much going out like the sequel..
fuck me hard, i don't like reruns.