"...wE mUst bE thE chAnGe wE wiSh tO sEE iN thE wOrld..." K.G.

8/08/2009

united we stand.... divided we fall....



i am taking a poll and would appreciate any advise or opinion on the subject. here is my question.


a.) how do you divide the parenting of children with 2 mOms involved, if one works and the other doesn't work outside the home?


we seem to have a little disagreement in the family about this particular subject and i am wondering what you other couples do when it comes to sharing parenting.
oh, and....
2.) should the biological mOm have more say than the co-mOm?


thanks ahead of time to all who care to share an opinion.


crp

11 comments:

ChiTown Girl said...

Are you out of your mind!? You want US to get in the middle of a dispute between you two? Ha! I ain't that dumb, Sista! When it comes to other couples, I keep my opinion to myself! ;-)

I hope some other brave souls will give you some words of wisdom.

joe said...

Yep, I'll pass on this one too.
I love the aquarium, btw.

kimber p said...

ok I'll put my two-four cents in. I ain't skeered.. lol

dividing the parenting between two moms is rough. I don't get why it has to be based on who works inside as opposed to outside the home. Circumstances of employment do not lessen responsibility of parenting, just as working inside the home doesn't mean the person doing it has to bear the full burden of raising the child(ren). It's not as if the child is doesn't deserve the full attention of both moms. Why would the mom who works outside the home dare say that she doesn't need to bear that load equally??

and as far as the Bio-Mom having more say than the Co-Mom.....well that's a tough one. In a perfect home, they stand as one force to be reckoned with. The child should know that if Bio-Mom says no, then he can damn sure count on Co-Mom backing her up. But I'm assuming since the question is being asked, that's not how it is. So, I'd say that all the time you're spending pulling the kid in this tug of war, pissing contest, whatever, is not doing him/her any favors. You both are the mom, you both have equal power.

ok..lol..now I hope we're still buds :)

Jason, as himself said...

Well, I can't speak about two moms, but being one of two dads, that is a tricky one!

Somehow, though, we have managed to just sort of fall into our responsibilities and roles as a couple and as parents.

I certainly take the front seat when it comes to parenting our daughter (biologically mine) and he, after much struggle, has realized that step parenting is much less glamorous than he thought it would be.

As for our little boy who we both adopted, I'm letting him take the front seat but I'm always there to back him up.

We both work away from home, but his schedule is flexible so he can be home when he wants/needs to be.

And I'll bet this ramble didn't help you one single bit, did it?

Good luck working it out.

Technodoll said...

I wish I could chime in but, alas, I am only parent to furkids and I doubt those are managed the same way as skinkids...

Hope you find a satisfactory middle point where everyone feels happy!

jo.irish.rose said...

in my eyes, u r both parents, both of equal value, both with the same equal say, even tho they r of ur womb. u and di made a life committment and just as jim and i, the responsibility is both of urs. and remember, a house divided doesnt have a chance. they see that, use it, and play it against u. this from 27 years experience. but what do i know? im just the baby sister, and my kids are adults. but they r still alive, and somewhat normal. u should ALWAYS discuss stuff privately, u should always get each others back, even when its not ur choice. but mostly, u should always love. and that....they will see. i love u guys and miss u. hope my 3 cents help. sorry, kimber...i added a penny to mine, prices go up, ya know. jo

Anonymous said...

Hey as a parent I think that the bio mother has a little more right over the children, the co- parent(step- parent) should have some say but not as much. The children should not know this though because then they will use this to play against the pair of you. But in the end they are your children and no one will ever take care for your things as you will. When in doubt I refer to doctor laura she had devoted her life to this work.

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

I always thought parenting was an equal partnership no matter what. If you're in an equal partnership as a couple, it shouldn't boil down to who the bio parent is. You're partners in life so you'd be partners in parenting, too. :)

kimber p said...

DR Laura??? of...Dr Laura Schlessinger (and I do not give a eff if I spelled her last name right, btw) she's a hack and a raging homophobe. I wouldn't take her advice on how to cook an egg, let alone raise a healthy, well adjusted child.

Otin said...

Right is Right and wrong is wrong. Does it really matter who is in control as long as the child knows the difference between right and wrong, good and evil, and so on? Why does everyone have to fit into a role? It doesn't matter who does the dishes as long as they get done! :)

C said...

thank you everyone for your input. it helped me refocus.

c