thank you everyone for your opinions, yep i asked and you gave. i knew i could count on you. no, Diane and i are not fighting or having problems with our roles. it is i who have been re-evaluating my place in the fam. i have realized that we need an adjustment, a little twist here, and a little click there.... i needed a reality check, which all of you gave quite nicely. for many reasons impertinent to this post, i have questioned my own parenting judgements and just wanted affirmation that i was still on track. thanks for the comments. all will be well.