ponderings at this moment

here it is the third day out from my caudal block. i worked last night for the first time since, and i was a hurtin unit by the time i got home this morning- although the pain was NO WHERE near what it was, prior. maybe i pushed myself too quickly or maybe i am just a glutton for punishment. maybe i was just trying to prove to myself that i am still capable...... all i know is i need to take it easy for at least another few days or i will surely undo whatever good the block has done for me already. the doc suggested i have another one in 2 weeks, and then if needed, a third and final one two weeks after that. he said sometimes that's what it takes to alleviate all of the pain.

on a different, much more serious topic, i have been keeping an eye on the news today. they stated a young child's skeletal remains have been found just a few blocks down from Casey Anthony's parent's house. apparently a utility man went behind some trees to urinate, saw a dark garbage bag which he kicked, and out came a small skull. he called the police yadda yadda yadda and now we are waiting for DNA results to confirm whether it is little 3 year old Caylee Anthony that i mentioned in previous posts here. i find myself torn between two feelings tonight.....

1.) such deep anguish over the wasteful death of such an angel and

b.) relief, as now she can finally be given the dignity angels deserve when they leave this world before their time.

they were showing Caylee on a home movie and she was sitting in her high chair singing, then they cut to the area of the neighborhood the remains were found in. and there you have it. black and white. before and after. life and death. just that final. it's unbelievable. utterly, sadly, wastefully unbelievable. my heart aches as i put the faces of all the children i love, on Caylee's. I'm a parent. i cant help it. that's how i am. that's why in my nursing school rotation, i could never work on a pediatric unit as i did the same thing there. and it was too painful for me, i couldn't handle it. i will NEVER understand how anyone can hurt a child, or take their life. all i have the power to do tonight as we wait for confirmation, is picture that little angel running among kittens and puppies in heaven, with no worries except finding a soft flat grass to lay on, as they play on her and give her kisses. no other thought comforts me at the moment.

CRP