I have deleted the prior post and I'll tell you why... I feel as though I published it in haste, leaving myself vulnerable if Diane were to read it. It sounded much like I was forgiving her for what she did at the end, and I am not there yet. I only meant to analyze my own mistakes over the years, take responsibility for them, and hopefully learn some long overdue life lessons. It also sounded like all was well with me now, where she was concerned, but it's not. Don't get me wrong, I was doing better than I have been in the past. I feel I took a few steps forward away from the hell hole of pain I was caught in, by looking at the behaviors I discussed, however something happened that upset me and made me angry, today. Diane has kept in touch with the kids here and there. She asked one of them to ask me if I still had the folder on my computer that contained many of the pictures she had taken here... And if so, could this particular child of mine come by, copy it to a flash drive and send it to her? My first thought was why didn't she shoot me an email and ask me to send her them? I probably would have without hesitancy, but I feel disrespected, over looked, perhaps... that she didn't. Could it be because she has amputated me and every thing to do with me, since her return to England? But now that she wants something she was in too much of a rush to leave to think about taking with her, she wants them. However, she cant bring herself to ask ME for them. She is using my child as a messenger and I won't have it. Am I in the right here, or am I just acting like a child...? It's not in my heart to attempt to take revenge, and that is certainly not my intention in this matter... But I feel like I am being used once more so she can get what she wants. She hasn't the courtesy to ask me to send them, because that would mean she would HAVE to contact me, talk to me.. and God forbid that should happen. Yet I am supposed to just up and full fill her requests? I don't think so. I have been used enough. I'm trying not to sound like a bitch but for someone to ask for something from me after they have totally amputated me, despite our promise to remain friends, is beyond me. I wont do it. I was actually contemplating sending that particular folder to her, the other day out of love I still have for her, but I'm so glad right now that I didn't because if I had, I know I would be feeling like she got one more thing from me that she didn't deserve. I can't and won't compromise myself again just to please her. To me, it would defeat the little progress I have already made to let go of her, and move on. Instead, I am using this request to validate yet one more time to myself that she is no longer the version of the person I loved so deeply. It's helping me to see her for the user she really is. I wish her no harm nor do I want to imply she is a bad person. However, I wish me no harm, either~ And I'm putting MYSELF first.