... 2 more nights and my true love will be gone. I will never see her again, or feel her hand touch me... or listen to her words of wisdom, as she always knew what to say. I am so broken, like a mirror shattered into a million pieces, scattering the reflections of what used to be my heart, and soul. No one seems to understand my pain. No one can comfort me. Truly, she is stronger than me, going back to her homeland to begin another adventure... whilst I remain here with what's left of my dignity and pride. Every one was expecting me to give up, curl up, and die. I think I am nearly to that point. I have been in the darkness and there I will remain until I see a glimmer of light. Just enough of a glimmer to help me hang on one more day, sometimes one more hour...
And most recently, I live minute by minute, as if my next breath could be my last.
I need to let go of the dreams I had for us, of my hope of growing old together, and the belief that we'd live happily ever after.
I have learned the hard way, there is no forever, no happily ever after in love. No one can guarantee anything past the present moment, and it's a very harsh reality to accept. I am in control of Nothing, No one, nor Any situation. I can't make her stay. I can't be enough to fill her void, as willing as I am to try. I can't offer myself as a sacrifice in exchange for happiness. It's so hard to think about my future without her, my bestest friend... Yet it has become even more painful to be stuck in this situation, not of our doing. What was once beautiful, pure, and blessed... has been stripped of it's worth, dirtied by circumstances out of our control... until there is barely anything left to blow away in the dust.
I hate how I feel right now. I hate that pain has turned me into some one I don't recognize... Someone who in my normal frame of mind would never dream it would come to this.
But here I am. here I F.U.C.K.I.N.G. am. Merely existing, until my life force stirs in me once again, giving me hope that maybe, just maybe, there will be healing, and peace for me again. There is no one more time for this, or that. The last time, WAS the last time. No going back now. I Loved You Past The Point Of Dying, you must be stronger than me..