my son alexander moves into his own apartment this Saturday. I am happy for him, as he has been wanting to do that for a while now, but at the same time... I cant believe there will be no more kids at home with me. I am the type of person that has difficulties letting go, I don't like changes, specially this close to my heart. but I have raised the 4 of them, and it's time for them to fly on their own. it feels like I am ending a chapter of my life, and entering a new one. it's been 26 years that I've had the kids with me, one by one they took responsibility for their lives and began their own new chapters.
it's a healthy thing for them to each do, but it doesn't mean I have to like it.
in just 2 days, it will be just Diane and I, and we too will be starting a new phase in our lives. we need to find a less expensive place to live, but one we will both enjoy. she and I feel like we need to find our direction and purpose again, in life. I know it's a growing period for the both of us, because prior to now, we planned everything around the kid's schedules... so we each have to find our roles sans enfants.
I do have my new job, which helps tremendously. in 2 weeks my trainer will be teaching me the last 2 programs I need to learn, and I will be done. I had a meeting with my boss's boss, and got good ratings in all areas. I love my new job, it's perfect for me. thank you, God. I had prayed to be led into something I will enjoy and be able to do, and that's what I got. no one but God could have timed everything the way it happened, just as he has done so many times in my life before.
I have been my own worst enemy many times. but I understand why I tend to have self sabotaging behaviors. growing up with abuse, will always interfere with my trust issues for the rest of my life... that's just the way it is.
Diane and I are also realizing how much these last 2 years have taken it's toll on us. we need time to re-center ourselves, and find direction again, as anyone would need to do after so many changes. I am sure we will both get to a good, strong place again... I love her SO much.
time for bed..