"...wE mUst bE thE chAnGe wE wiSh tO sEE iN thE wOrld..." K.G.


I am SO glad it's the weekend, I SO need a break. I am not used to working five 8 hour days per week and it's nearly killing me. it feels like I have no free time. when I used to work OB, I worked three 12 hour shifts and I liked it, I felt like I had some time off in between. I am not complaining, I am SO thankful to find another job that I will really like. pieces are beginning to fit together for me with all the computer programs I have to learn, and the more it does, the more I like it.

I am also going through the "empty nest" syndrome. all my kidlets are on their own now, as adults.. and it's just me & Diane and Bella, our baby. for some reason, I have really been feeling it this week. I stopped at an old grocery store I used when the kids were little and by the time I got back into the car, I burst into tears. I miss the days when my 4 were little, and they depended on me for everything. it was just me and them..

now with their busy lives I'm lucky if I see them once a week, well- the boys anyway... my baby girl and I are in the out and outs at the moment, and so that means I cant see my only grandchild jujube, either. it breaks my heart. throw on top of that, my sister who lives here, wont speak to me.. yep, it pretty much looks like I've lost a few of the ones I love. and it's not like I did anything wrong. I didn't and I plead not guilty, your honor.

I do love my time with Diane. since the kids are gone, our relationship is changing and taking on a new direction. however, I have NO clue where its going yet. maybe it'll be a surprise.

but for tonight, I send out my love and prayers to my 4 beautiful children, my jujube... and my sister, too. I miss them all.. and yes, I did write that poem in my last post... it sort of sums up how I am feeling lately. I need to get through this phase of my life, I guess somewhere deep in my soul I thought I would always have my kids very much in my life, and not having my grandson... well put it this way, there hasn't been a day that I haven't missed him, thought of him, and cried my heart out because of it.



ChiTown Girl said...

aw, sweetheart, I'm sorry you're hurting and missing your babies.


Jason, as himself said...

I say try to enjoy this time. Use it to find peace and take your relationship with Diane to a new high.

Think of this as "you" time.

Busy Bee Suz said...

Ditto to Jason and Chi.
That poem was beautiful....you are such a deep and soulful person. You deserve the best C....
I hope you have had a restful day and that next week brings less challenges and more kiddos to hug.