"...wE mUst bE thE chAnGe wE wiSh tO sEE iN thE wOrld..." K.G.

5/20/2011

tHe wOrld accOrding tO idiOts..

“Will the world actually explode on May 21?

There's no way to prove that it won't!

One man says Judgment Day is coming this Saturday.

NASA/Newscom/File”

 

According to thiS, “May 21, 2011, is Judgment Day, upon which the righteous – which totals 3 percent of humanity – will be whisked away to the sweet hereafter, leaving the rest of us to weather five months of extreme natural disasters until Oct. 21, whereupon God destroys the entire universe and everyone left in it.” 

Well, so I’ve heard. I don’t really know or much care where this kind of shit info comes from, but I will  keep my eye out. just one, though. I will actually be outdoors anyway,  as it’s my daughter’s college graduation party celebration! she is a nurse now, just like her mama.. so as we are BBQing, I will  listen for any loud noises that may permeate the sound barrier and  search the heavens for the chariots of gold, the clapping of thunder  (that is, angels clapping for Emily's success),  await the burning ash raining from the sky that will certainly fill my lungs with debris that will cause me to choke, and force me to drink all the Kool-Aid to put out the burn.  once that occurs, I don’t think I will be much in the mood for charred animal flesh cooked over a flame, and so my last meal may consist of just a BIG bowl of cake and ice cream, because in my opinion, if there was ever a time to have your dessert first, this would be it. fuck those calories… 

Just because I’m chubby fluffy, doesn’t mean I can’t float on up like the delicate Pussywillow that I am. well, it may take more than one angel to haul my butt specially since I ate that huge bowl of dessert, but not to worry, by then I’ll be so nervous from the whole thing I’m sure I will have developed plenty of gas to assist in my propulsion…  (I’m sure I’ll get a call from NASA for the formula).  

We all know one day the end will arrive,  but come on, there isn’t one mortal person who can predict when that will be or how many peeps will get to go to a land “far, far away”- for a permanent vay cay… me? I just hope when it does happen,  there will be cool, clear blue, clean swimming pools when I arrive because I know I will have worked up a sweat heading into space like that. I do tend to perspire profusely when I float. and I do get motion sickness so I hope I don’t toss me cookies on the way up, it wouldn’t be perdy to see my stomach contents hurling at those behind me.

Unless.

…unless perchance it’s Arnold Schwarzenegger, that cheating, fathering bastard.

On one hand, it would be so great to actually know when the end will come, that way I could go out and buy A.N.Y.T.H.I.N.G. I wanted, (well, if I had any money), renege on all those student loans I still owe, and make flight float reservations so everyone in my family could ascend together. I’ve been told groups get cheaper rates, and parties of 8 or  more get to upgrade to first class at no extra charge! ya can’t beat a deal like that no-sir-ee-bOb!

I just hope when we do go, we don’t have to be nekked. I’ll pack enough washcloths to pass around, just in case. ya know, for our faces.. can’t you just imagine the wonderment of ascension with those you love and strangers, too? just think, if you look up all you will be able to see is men and women’s hairy asses. …maybe pairs of scrotums swingin to and fro here & there with a teeny weeny hangin’ on for dear life- and top heavy women who ascend kinda lopsided due to their breasticular tiltage ratio…

I sure don’t fancy pervin’ onto buttocks that I don’t know where they’ve been. and certainly we would have to dodge any loose deuces that may escape, because you KNOW how the public is, there will be your hygienically challenged who don’t give a shit (pun intended) and let the deuces fall where they may… ewww, the thought of that gags me with a spQQn. all I’ve got to say is I’m bringing my umbrella. one of those really large corporate types that resemble a small tent.

Well, I’d tell all you peeps out there to have a great weekend, but the idiOts are predicting a chance of gloom & doom with  sprinkles of death, and the possibility of winds strong enough to carry us into the heavens.

Don’t forget your umbrellas. We can deuce-dodge together, brethren! 

C

P.S.

(in NO way am I attempting to make fun of judgment day because I DO believe in it, however, I do intend to poke fun at  the idiots who predict it will take place on my daughter’s special day… AS  IF…) 

P.P.S.S.

…I think I see Ellen & Portia, my aunt Germaine, Josh Groban,Jimmy Carter, and OH, OH, there’s Charlie Sheen, he’s at the very top, ya know, winning!

  OMG do I see the president?  

7 comments:

ChiTown Girl said...

You funny lady. :)

Busy Bee Suz said...

I hope her day is perfect...without any sprinkling of death!!!
Take pictures and share share share.
xoxoxo

jo.irish.rose said...

i spotted a few peeps i knew too, then i realized today was FRIKKIN FRIDAY!!!! so i just went back to bed and decided to sleep off a stupid migraine....its probably a rapture one...do ya think? lol

on a serious note....as i said in like 4,389 other places...(thats what it seems like) no one knows the hour or day, it is written here, here, and here, (ha ha, i bet you clicked on those, huh?) this is the verse if you want to look it up the hard way: Matthew 24:36 in the Bible. the whole chapter talks about the end times, it is all really good, but specifically, verse 36 states that no one even Jesus does not know when only the Father knows. So, does that mean some idiot here can predict the time when the end will come? I think I will put my trust in the Bible.

Maria said...

I know a woman at work who is so sure that the rapture is coming that she went around hugging people today.

I think she needs to bring brownies to work on Monday to make up for all this foolishness.

sophie...^5 said...

Crack pots occupy a small space on this planet, but the problem is...there are too many weaklings that end up believing and following...sort of cult like nonsense. Whatever happen to educated intelligence? ANyway....now I have stopped chuckling....tomorrow I'll start up again!

Technodoll said...

ROTFLMAO!!

yeah, those god-fearing suckas will be hiding in their basement and then when nothing happens they'll be crying that god spared them, heard their prayers - LOL!

Bunch o'nutters :-D

HAPPY GRADUATION PARTY MY DEAR!!

yes yes, dessert first! YUM!

Dysfunctional Mom said...

My son's impending high school graduation has me all emotional, so I'm totally tearing up that your child is graduating from nursing school and will be a nurse like her mama! LOVE it! Sniff sniff...
However the rest of your post has me laughing as ALWAYS.
No way will the world end on my babies' soccer tournament day either! SO THERE!