“Will the world actually explode on May 21?
There's no way to prove that it won't!
One man says Judgment Day is coming this Saturday.
According to thiS, “May 21, 2011, is Judgment Day, upon which the righteous – which totals 3 percent of humanity – will be whisked away to the sweet hereafter, leaving the rest of us to weather five months of extreme natural disasters until Oct. 21, whereupon God destroys the entire universe and everyone left in it.”
Well, so I’ve heard. I don’t really know or much care where this kind of
shit info comes from, but I will keep my eye out. just one, though. I will actually be outdoors anyway, as it’s my daughter’s college graduation party celebration! she is a nurse now, just like her mama.. so as we are BBQing, I will listen for any loud noises that may permeate the sound barrier and search the heavens for the chariots of gold, the clapping of thunder (that is, angels clapping for Emily's success), await the burning ash raining from the sky that will certainly fill my lungs with debris that will cause me to choke, and force me to drink all the Kool-Aid to put out the burn. once that occurs, I don’t think I will be much in the mood for charred animal flesh cooked over a flame, and so my last meal may consist of just a BIG bowl of cake and ice cream, because in my opinion, if there was ever a time to have your dessert first, this would be it. fuck those calories…
Just because I’m
chubby fluffy, doesn’t mean I can’t float on up like the delicate Pussywillow that I am. well, it may take more than one angel to haul my butt specially since I ate that huge bowl of dessert, but not to worry, by then I’ll be so nervous from the whole thing I’m sure I will have developed plenty of gas to assist in my propulsion… (I’m sure I’ll get a call from NASA for the formula).
We all know one day the end will arrive, but come on, there isn’t one mortal person who can predict when that will be or how many peeps will get to go to a land “far, far away”- for a permanent vay cay… me? I just hope when it does happen, there will be cool, clear blue, clean swimming pools when I arrive because I know I will have worked up a sweat heading into space like that. I do tend to perspire profusely when I float. and I do get motion sickness so I hope I don’t toss me cookies on the way up, it wouldn’t be perdy to see my stomach contents hurling at those behind me.
On one hand, it would be so great to actually know when the end will come, that way I could go out and buy A.N.Y.T.H.I.N.G. I wanted, (well, if I had any money), renege on all those student loans I still owe, and make
flight float reservations so everyone in my family could ascend together. I’ve been told groups get cheaper rates, and parties of 8 or more get to upgrade to first class at no extra charge! ya can’t beat a deal like that no-sir-ee-bOb!
I just hope when we do go, we don’t have to be nekked. I’ll pack enough washcloths to pass around, just in case. ya know, for our faces.. can’t you just imagine the wonderment of ascension with those you love and strangers, too? just think, if you look up all you will be able to see is men and women’s hairy asses. …maybe pairs of scrotums swingin to and fro here & there with a teeny weeny hangin’ on for dear life- and top heavy women who ascend kinda lopsided due to their breasticular tiltage ratio…
I sure don’t fancy pervin’ onto buttocks that I don’t know where they’ve been. and certainly we would have to dodge any loose deuces that may escape, because you KNOW how the public is, there will be your hygienically challenged who don’t give a shit (pun intended) and let the deuces fall where they may… ewww, the thought of that gags me with a spQQn. all I’ve got to say is I’m bringing my umbrella. one of those really large corporate types that resemble a small tent.
Well, I’d tell all you peeps out there to have a great weekend, but the idiOts are predicting a chance of gloom & doom with sprinkles of death, and the possibility of winds strong enough to carry us into the heavens.
…I think I see Ellen & Portia, my aunt Germaine, Josh Groban,Jimmy Carter, and OH, OH, there’s Charlie Sheen, he’s at the very top, ya know, winning!