“Mammeries, light the corners of me mind
Misty watercolor mammories of the way we were.
Scattered pictures of the smiles we left behind
smiles we give to one another
for the way we were.
Can it be that it was all so simple then
or has time rewritten every line?
If we had the chance to do it all again
tell me would we? Could we? well answer me you whore! could we????”
…it all began one snowy day on December 27, 1960.. in New Britain, CT. I was 5.
the “dirty gOOg” was born.
[in honor of her 50th birffday, this is the story of Joanne Jeanine Roy Price. no names have been changed cuz there ain’t any innocents to protect]. [well, there used to be but I have killed them all]. [jus sayin’].
..the youngest of 4 kids, she was a happy baby with rosy cheeks.. although there’re a tiny bit faded in this photo.. our dad fell down the stairs carrying her when she was 2 and broke both of her hips. [that’ll teach her to be cute] she recovered after spending 6-8 months in a body cast, which I personally signed and drew pictures on. [wait. this isn’t her… oh my burnin’ crapicola, yes it is.. I was cornfused there for a momento.. nevahmind..]
..we lived in New Britain, CT. until 1966 when our dad moved us to Malone, NY.. and there we stayed until we grew up. this is me, and dad holding Jo. [note the rifle to my left.. it was mine. I had to do all the huntin’ for our meals at a very young age]..
..1961 this is our paternal grammpa holding Jo, the twins Denise and Dennis and me, standing. [erm, looks like I put on a lil poundage there, don’t it.. yeah, a bit fluffy I must say… like a lil marshmallow I was… jus like a lil spool ‘a cotton candy, yep. just like a big ole blimp which you weren’t supposed to fly in da house.. that was me].
..one of the few family pictures I have of our parents, our aunt Claire the nun, and the 4 of us kids. she was catholic enough for the lot of us. don’t forget the googster was the youngest and remarkably, she still is.
..living in the projects in CT. [note; this picture only appears blurry if you’ve been hittin’ the moonshine..] GUILTY!
..living the life in CT.. note the fashionable matching outfits we girls wore.. these were our GOOD outfits… we were on the cover of INSTYLE for the longest time.. but ma kept all the money and spent it on men, booze and gambling… it ended our careers when it was discovered.
..Oct. 1966 in da kitchen, baby… when our dad moved us to upstate NY. Jo is on the first side of the table, right dere in da front, as opposed to da back side of the table.. got it? or did I jus cornfuse you mo’?
..our humble estate in Malone.. it was SO big we always got lost in the many wings.. the president of da united of states of americeee tried to take our home to use as da white house but ma kneed him in the jewels, told him that YES, he DID do it.. and told him firmly, NO. that’s why to this day he slums it up on Pennsylvania Ave., STILL. [yes, that’s moi in the chair on the
WHITE HOUSE lawn].. but I am hiding so don’t looksie..
..the VO5 hair crème saturated slicked down hair we wore every day.. I can still smell it.. look how freekin’ cute we were..
..hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to catholic school we go.. where the nuns were mean and ya had to stay clean.. hi ho, hi ho…
..1972 Jo & I taking a goofy picture.. look at those glasses! we were so poor… HOW POOR WERE YOU? we were SO poor our mom couldn’t afford glasses for us so she made them out of glass coke bottle bottoms and called it good.. no wonder we couldn’t freekin’ see anything.
..Jo in 1974 holding my first dog PUDDLES after I was married… it was about this time we drove into town late one night to get pizza as she was sleeping over, and the flying saucer followed us home.
..Jo moved to Ozark, Alabama to be near us.. that’s when Dave had the clampet mobile, remember toone? look at that cute lil shiteattin grin on her face! awwww.. doesn’t she look guilty of somethin?
..Christmas 1975 Ozark, Alabama. yeah. so I bought her a shirt just to shut her up. ya see doze books behind her right dere in da back ground? on the shelf dere? I bet there’re all dead now.
..when we moved to Nebraska, the goog followed us here where she met her future hubs to be.. JIMBOOB, and got married. they were SUCH alcoholics.. look at ‘em… drunk. every. single. night.
..in 1982 our dad died and Jo went to the funeral in Daytona Beach, Flo-Rida... our step sister Barbara, brother Dennis, Jo, and Jimboob.
..she was expecting her first born, Jonathan.. “the nonster”.. look at da cute rosy cheeks just like when she was a beebee.. erm, dat could just be makeup..
..here he is, then she was preggers wiff Jennifer.. “the choux” [lil cabbage in french]back when they still lived in Bellevue.
..Jimboob was in the air force and when they left here for Cali, then were stationed in Okinawa, Japan, where they renewed their wedding vows.. under a very old tree that whispered on da wind.. after several drinks of sake, that is.. when they moved back to da states, they lived in Shreveport, Lousyanna… where once, JUST ONCE, Jo and I peed in the bushes by da river then lost our balance from laughing so hard and both fell back on it, flashing Diane wiff da bearded clams and blinding her wiff science. remember, toone?
..there was a time a few years ago when Jo went thru mid life crisis, thought she was a dachshund and surrounded herself with 100’s of them.. she slept wiff ‘em, bathed wiff ‘em, pooped outside wiff ‘em, and even ate wiff ‘em outta their bowl.. I’m just thankful she didn’t get fleas during that period of her life.. they skeeeeer me.
..and there was the time she came for a visit and fell to the floor suddenly when the kitchen chair collapsed… which was the morning after shopping on base when I mistook Denise for a black woman in a green van, that is after knocking over some racks by da checkouts wiff the scooter.. [ya had to be there] which was the night of Jo dropping a large bowl of homemade pickled beets on da kitchen floor and we all peed our pants laughing… which consequently, Jo burned or broke something at either our house or Denise's every time she came to visit henceforth.. so we saved them all up and gave them to Jo for Christmas one year… WHAAAT.. she totally scraped off the burnt parts and reused them.. [below is Jo, Denise, and Diane] there’re all drunk on life..
..January 2010 when she came for a visit to help Diane take care of me crippled gimpy broken arm..
..fall of 2010 on the boardwalk.. not under it down by the sea… when I went to visit her in North Carolina..
..and the infamous “old pacifier” she FINALLY gave up at the age of 49.. [I had to bribe her].
..you’ve come a looong way, baby!
..now she’s a gramma.. her wiff Sammy the barbarian,
..Jordan the gypsy,
..and molly the moo [baby daddy a jersey bull]
..and destined to live out her life in Havelock, N.C. wiff her loving hubbster, and the outlaws.. leaving their carbon footprints in the sand a’ da deep south, eatin’ fresh seafood's at crabby patties'… until I return again to join dem…
Happy Birffday, Jo!
..you ole lady, you. YOU….. ya, YOU ya ole plut.. YOU know who YOU are, maudit… YOU.
..look at my lil sissy, beach comber, dropper of pickled beets and breaker/burner of all things sisterly… isn't she just THE cutest, though? I lubs her..
..I LUBS her so vewwy vewwy much.. in udder words, Beaucoup, Grande, Mucho, King-sized, like a big bag a’ Riesen’s.. etc.. etc.. etc..
“Memories, may be beautiful and yet
what's too painful to remember
we simply choose to forget
So it's the laughter we will remember, and the farting too, and the wetting of the pants from laughing too hard… ooooh,
whenever we remember
the way we were”.