"...wE mUst bE thE chAnGe wE wiSh tO sEE iN thE wOrld..." K.G.

11/13/2010

Diane and I just finished watching “the locator” with Troy Dunn… have you ever watched it? his life work is about reconnecting people who have been adopted with their bio families, and the episodes are SO touching, so full of pain, sadness, misunderstanding, yet they usually end with the joy of being reunited with each other. we love this show and try to watch it religiously.

one reason is because my 2 older kiddies were adopted. they became ours when they were 3 days old… so this kind of show means a lot to me personally. secondly, Nicholas's birthmother is one of our dearest friends now, and we love her so much. my son has so much love in his life that it just fills my heart.

Emily has contacted her birthmother but her situation is a bit different, as hers has written back to her but has not made an effort to meet Emily or share pictures etc.… and it makes me so sad for my baby girl because I want her to have as much love as she can but some things just don’t work out that way. maybe its for the best, maybe she has nothing to give Emily… it just is what it is for now.

but the third reason I love this show is because it just warms my heart to see happy endings, to see the other side of adoptions, and that we should never ever judge anyone for the choices they make along this line because there is always a reason. it’s usually for the baby’s best interest.. but even if it wasn’t initially, people’s hearts change over the years, as do their situations.. and they may come to regret what they have done.

I have not seen one episode that hasn’t been successful. and they aren't always babies… kids are placed for adoption at all different ages. I have always loved my two birth mom's for what they gave me, even before we received our son and daughter.. I prayed for god to bless and keep who ever they were going to be, safe and healthy.. and then for them to find peace in their decision.

and I will never think adoption is not about love. to me it’s the most selfless act of love, along with what must be the most painful of decisions to make. so when Troy the locator, reunites these people, it makes me cry… like. a. baby.

tonight’s episode was about a woman finding out she has a sister, and because of Troy, they met. both had always wanted a sister and did not have one. they had the same father. can you even imagine finding out you had a sister or brother in your adult years… specially if you had always longed for one? it just blows me away. I’m the mushy one of Diane and I, but even she cries at some of these episodes.

what I have learned through my own experiences of adoption and what I have learned along the way, is that even when you have a wonderfully loving family who loves you and raises you, it’s OK to still wonder who you look like, or where you really came from, and why you were placed for adoption. these are all normal feelings and questions and I believe everyone has the right to know. I don’t think it is wrong to wonder, I think it’s an innate need inside every one of us.

C

8 comments:

ChiTown Girl said...

I've never seen this show, but now I don't know if I could ever watch it. I cry at commercials, for Pete's sake. I'd really be a hot mess if I watched this!

It's so great that you have a good relationship with Nicholas' birth mother. How lucky he is to have two mothers who love him. It must be hard for Emily that her birth mother can't give her the same thing. But, she's so blessed to have you. I'm wondering if this may be the root of some the issues you two have had over the years. Look at me gettin' all up you bid-ness. Sorry. :(

Oh, and by the way, Buttmunch, thanks for snow. But, it hasn't arrived yet!!! WTF? Did you send it by snail?! ;-)

Busy Bee Suz said...

I love this show.
I cry like a blubbering idiot every episode.
I keep waiting for Troy to find a sister for me. I just know there must be ONE out there somewhere....
Starting to get impatient though.
Love that your son has such a great relationship with both of his Mama's.
And like you said, for Emily, perhaps she is better off if the 'other' situation is horrid or who knows what....

kristi said...

Looooove this show! I have seen one episode where the mother refused to meet the child because she didn't want her husband to know about her having a bi racial child. So sad!

Jabacue said...

I haven't seen that show on TV. But your post was very timely Chris. I was speaking with my friend last evening, she and hubby have two adopted kids from birth,12 and 18 years old, and she was telling me her son the oldest is considering to live with his birth mom. And her daughter (12) has just spent a few days with her birth mom who just had a baby....so it's her sister she's meeting for the first time.

All great for the daughter but not so for the son. His birth mom i guess has a few 'issues' and may not be the best thing at this time for him.

Interesting dynamics in both cases. It is such a selfless, as you said, experience for both moms. It must have been such a rewarding experience for you and the children.
Jim

Technodoll said...

I've never heard of this show (damn limited canadian tv!) but it sounds amazing - and there is no shame in crying, it shows a beautiful ability to empathize and have emotions! xoxo

joe said...

I was adopted as an infant. I have to say I've never really had an interest in finding my biological family. I enjoy the mystery too much.
I have one brother and he's my mom's biological son. It's always been my philosophy that, although he's the one she conceived, I'm the one she picked. Does that make sense????

greg said...

I love Joe's attitude!

C. - I have such admiration for how you deal with your children and let them make their own decisions. You only care about them being happy and that makes you a great mom. A close friend of mine chose to keep the adoption of her son open with the birth mother. Not many people take that route and I think it's so selfless.

C said...

thank you everyone for your thoughts on this.
joe, i do understand and i think it's a pretty cool way of looking at it.
greg, i know some folks as well who had open adoptions, plus i was part of a few when i still worked on my unit cuz some of our new moms chose adoption. you know what else i think? god bless every birth mother on this planet that she didnt choose to abort her baby.