"...wE mUst bE thE chAnGe wE wiSh tO sEE iN thE wOrld..." K.G.


I had my appointment today about my arm. there is good news and not so good news. the good news is I will be released to work in December, I will be assessed by voc. rehab. before then, to determine my limitations, and the x-ray showed that my arm is healed.

however, the not so good news; it will probably not ever regain full ROM. and I am unable to do CPR. that pretty much limits my career to non direct patient care. also, once I am released in Dec. workman's comp will still pay me until I begin working… but for that last month or 2 until I get hired, it will be deducted from the settlement I will receive due to the permanent impairment.

no one takes into consideration what I have lost and I was basically told I will have to take whatever job is available even if I don’t think I will like it. in other words “hurry up to find a job, any job, or I will be losing my own money from the settlement”. I could hire a lawyer but they take 1/3 of the settlement and it may end up being less than what I am offered. the dr. did say however, that if I feel it’s unfair, i can give them a counter offer.. so I will see.

the case worker I will be given is supposed to help me find a position but my WC caseworker today didn’t sound like there was much available within my hospital system. if not, they will help me find a position somewhere else. the problem with that is they wont have to return me to my previous hourly rate if it’s not within ALEGENT HEALTH, so I may end up not even making what I have built my career up to be the past 11 years and I am very upset about that.

no one knows how hard I worked to get where I was. and it’s all lost just like that. I know I will receive a monetary compensation but I also know I lost more than that.. I have lost seniority, PTO, accrued 401K, and retirement. everything stopped for 1 year. and I will never get that back.

I am also not the same person I was a year ago. I have had numerous health issues since my injury and right now I really don’t know what I am capable of doing performance wise. even if I could go back to obstetrics nursing, [which I cant cuz I can’t do chest compressions] I would need a refresher course and would have to renew all 5 of my special certifications. it would take a long time for me to catch up to where I once was.

I have mixed feelings tonight, peeps… I am glad my ordeal is nearly over and that my next journey will shortly begin, but again I don’t have any solidness to what I will be doing and the thought of getting into a job I may not enjoy hangs over my head like a black cloud. there’s nothing I can do.. just wait it out and see where I’m led.

another thing that happened today that upset me is when I told my sister Denise the results of my Dr. visit, she couldn't say one positive thing to encourage me, or comfort me- everything she said was negative and in other words “you made your bed now you must lay in it”.

WTF does that mean… she hasn’t been encouraging to me at all since all of this happened and I am fed up. in one breath she announced they wont being buying Christmas presents this year but rather they will be taking a nice vay cay or cruise in the spring.

what she is really saying is that she wont be getting my family anything but I bet she will exchange with her friends. I sometimes can’t believe that we came from the same womb. she is a whole other species of bird and she doesn’t fly well with the rest of us… she’s that one bird always trailing behind on one side of the flock. I love her with all of my heart and soul, she is my sister- but most of the time I cant tolerate even talking with her.

if she has never heard of something being done the way I say it, then it isn't true. if its not her way then its no way… and if she cant be in control of everything down to the details, well then you're in for a miserable experience. and of course her tone of voice is ALWAYS condescending to me… because of course she knows everything and has done it all.

sorry I got a little venty there but I am in a pissy mood. I will hopefully be in better spirits tomorrow.



Busy Bee Suz said...

I also hope you are in better spirits today too C.
I am sorry for all the bad news, it really sucks donkey tails.
Sending good vibes and juju your way.


Jude said...

Well...family shit is just that sometimes. I don't understand it either.

It's easy for me to tell you to stay positive. Let the negative crap roll off your back. You're getting back to work soon, your arm is healed to its best. Yes, you've been thrown some nasty shit to get through but you're stronger than all of it, you've beat it as best as you could.

Girl Friend, You ROCK!

jo.irish.rose said...

toone, i know how she is and can be. i had an earful too. whining about how her life is so hard, and everyone else has it "so easy' which was a remark towards me since i don't work in the formal sense of the word. well, she's "done!" and i think i might be "done" too. i can't be around her negativity, even though i want to support her and love her. this is one more reason you should consider the move over here. she wants to be alone.

if you have to make a new life, why not a new place? it would be your dream place. and believe me, they need peeps here in any way shape or form in the medical field. alot to think about. i think you are one strong cookie. with nuts and all! don't let her crappy words control the way you feel. she is just one person. you are way bigger than that. poop on her and her attitude! you know i love you and alot of peeps do. so there....more than she can say, eh? you will do wonderful at whatever you decide to do. you have a wonderful heart and a giving spirit like no one i know. you make it the best Christmas ever! start making gifties just like you used to. we don't have alot of money either, but this year will be the 1st with the grand babies. we make it what it is, the real meaning. and no one can take that away from you. decorate like you have never done, and give of your heart. people love that more than bought stuffs. you will see how much joy that brings, and God will reward you, He is good like that. I love you more that all my shoes and leather wallets you know! lol

call me, k? smoochies! i miss you.

Jabacue said...

Nothing like 'red tape' and bureaucracy to totally exhaust you!! Been there too and luckily survived it. It can be grueling! Hang in there C.

ChiTown Girl said...

Aw, sweet pea, I'm so sorry about all the crap you're dealing with. Most especially with your sister. I scared myself, though, when I was reading this because my brain registered "Diane" instead of "Denise" and was reading with my jaw on the table. I just kept thinking, "WTF!? When did this all start?! I can't believe it!" etc. Thankfully, I reread the post, and now it all makes perfect sense!

Jo beat me to it when she said move there, cuz I was going to say the exact same thing!! We always need good, qualified medical personnel here. If you have to start a new career, you should do it in a new place!! I know, I know, you can't leave your babies....but it would be fun, wouldn't it, if you moved here?!

Anonymous said...

I just keep thinking how badly it could have gone and am happy that you're on the road to recovery. Absolutely nothing is more important than your health. You will be just fine. ((hugs))

p.s. - listen to your other sister. :)

Dysfunctional Mom said...

This makes me hurt for you, because I know how much you loved what you did, and I know that good nurses are so hard to come by.
I truly hope you are able to find something else that is just as rewarding for you.

Technodoll said...

I hope not to insult you but your sister? is a selfish cheap bitch. i'm sorry you have to suffer being related to her :(

Sisters should support and encourage each other, not judge and condescend.

Sorry, I,m mad that people think they can treat you that way!!

It must be scary being faced with such a big open door with nothing but darkness on the other side... but... stick your arm in, flick on that lightswitch and you never know, you might find a whole new world out there waiting for you.

You've climbed bigger mountains than this one before, my friend :0)

Clippy Mat said...

This seems so unfair. You really are getting the shitty end of the stick here with regard to your injury being no fault of your own and not being compensated adequately. What to do? I have no answers. It's really a bad situation but you are such a positive and loving person I am sure you will find a way through it all and come out on top again. I don't want to minimise it by saying when life gives you lemons etc etc but really it might be that simple. You're just the one to do it. Keep on writing and working it all out, I'm sure you help others with your insightful words. You always make me smile for sure.
.."there will be an answer.. Let it Be, Let it Be. :-))