"...wE mUst bE thE chAnGe wE wiSh tO sEE iN thE wOrld..." K.G.

8/25/2010

to continue on from the prior post... i haven't heard anything yet from either one of the molester's kids. but let me tell you this..

we were at my sister Denise's house the other night to play cards and it was mentioned about me finding them. she looked at me in disbelief, and carried on and on condescendingly that it is the wrong thing to do, that i should just let the past be the past, get over it, and move on.

in that one sentence she invalidated a part of my life that i have been dealing with for years, invalidating all the work i have done in therapy to heal from it, and basically alluding to the fact that i should be able to just get over it, as of course it's no big deal to get molested.

maybe i am over reacting but she really pissed me off. the look on her face was of disbelief, shock, and judgment. and i felt as if i was getting scolded for doing something bad. maybe some types of people can just shut down and never bring up trauma from their past. but that is not how i am made.

i was shut down for most of my life and it was during my divorce that everything came to a head for me.. i have worked my soul off to find closure and healing and peace with the traumas of my past. sometimes i think it's done, sometimes another layer reveals itself at the appropriate time. i will be done when i am done, and i admit i don't know when that will be.

i can only talk about, work on, and feel things as they come back to me, there is no time table for these kinds of things. so my sister is disco-pointed in me, AGAIN. it isn't the first time and it wont be the last.

could she have even an ounce of sensitivity, or empathy for my pain...? is she capable of it when it comes to me? i really don't know. maybe for her, judging is easier than understanding.

C

00000wolf

8 comments:

Dysfunctional Mom said...

I've been doing a lot of thinking about family lately. It kind of sucks that we don't to choose these people that we're expected to love and be close with for our whole lives. Because the fact that they are family does not necessarily make them someone we really want to hang around with.

Clippy Mat said...

umph. sort of like a punch to the gut i suppose. but perhaps she doesn't want you reliving it, or being hurt anymore and just doesn't understand how this will help you?
could be....
:-)

greg said...

It doesn't matter what she thinks or what she says - the only thing that matters is how you feel and what you need to do to heal. Don't give negative people the power to hurt you. You're doing what's right for you.

Busy Bee Suz said...

C, I agree with the above comments.
She is disco-pointed, so what. Don't give her the power to judge your feelings or add to them. Ok?
She is not your friend...
hugs,
Suz

ChiTown Girl said...

I know I don't even know her, and I shouldn't be judgemental, but I really don't like that sister of yours. WTF?! Is it that she doesn't believe these horrific things really happened to you? Did they happen to her, too? If that's the case, maybe she's so in denial about it, she wants you to supress it, too, so she doesn't have to think about it. I don't know, which is why I should mind my own damn business, but shit! She pisses me off!!!

Maria said...

I am curious to hear if they respond and what they have to say.

Technodoll said...

Your sister doesn't come through very often for you, does she... :-(

Tracey Axnick said...

It took me a long time to realize that other people's opinions were just THAT... their opinion.

In this case, I think you need to look at her opinion like "old bathwater" (ie. completely USELESS) and just let it DRAIN COMPLETELY AWAY... and don't even consider it again.

This is YOUR life you're living. Not hers. You need to do what is right for you.

Now.... come over to my blog for something very light hearted... and participate! :)