"...wE mUst bE thE chAnGe wE wiSh tO sEE iN thE wOrld..." K.G.

6/14/2010

a play on words from

Verbicidal Tendencies...

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care where a 3-yr-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder & got a little behind in his work.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.

A thief fell & broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

A dentist & a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft & I'll show you A-flat miner.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

A calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.

7 comments:

Busy Bee Suz said...

These are so corny and FUNNY!!!!!

jo.irish.rose said...

i was laughing so hard at some of these....i love the tainted money one...taint yours, taint mine! and lots more...my problem is i read in bed as my hunny is going to sleep, and i start out with a little giggle as to not wake him, then it becomes into big gaffaws, and then i have tears and the whole bed is shaking and he rolls over and thinks im jumping up and down on the bed trying to wake him up for something else! hello....you have to read these...he just doesnt have a good sense of humor in the middle of the night...but if it was for sex? he would of been right on it! (literally!) ROFL can u tell me and chris are sisters? i think our mom gave us each half a brain....oh wait no, that was the twins, i keep forgetting that! seriously tho....these are too cute to read in the boring old humdrum daytime when they make some sort of sense...read them at night when your tired and giddy...and you can giggle yourself to sleep and wake the whole house up! the best medicine!

Jude said...

LOL on these....excellent! Love the tainted money, so true!

ChiTown Girl said...

This was HILARIOUS!

Technodoll said...

he he - you know i love a good play on words! thanks for the giggles, girl! :)

That corgi :) said...

loved these plays on words; very cute indeed!

betty

Tracey Axnick said...

Very clever!