"...wE mUst bE thE chAnGe wE wiSh tO sEE iN thE wOrld..." K.G.



i try to handle every obstacle that has come my way this past year... from my first injury to my shoulder that healed on it's own, without the need of surgery- to this last injury and all i have been through with this. i have worked hard at keeping my faith that things will work out for me. i have cowgirled-up, as they say.

i just got a phone call from my primary physician that i have seen for over 5 years now... cancelling me as a patient. the office informed me i would either have to pay cash for everything from here on out, or find a clinic that charges according to your income. they proceeded to give me the phone numbers for 2 clinics, and then i noticed the addresses. they are in a very bad part of town.

i am so freaking angry right now i can hardly type.. i have been fired from my regular doctor, they don't wanna work with me during this difficult time of not being employed and having no health insurance. bastards. all anyone cares about anymore is money. i worked with this doctor at the hospital, i know him personally and his office still fired me!

i feel like i am back to square one when i used to be on welfare when the kids were little and i had to stand in line at food pantries, donation centers, and warehouses that gave away powdered milk, powdered eggs and the like of those things... as commodities for the poor. i would receive flour and sugar, cereal, & other boxed items, only to find worms & bugs in them from having sat on the shelf too long..

its hard enough emotionally to live on welfare when you need to, but the rest of society categorizes you into some kind of scumbag low class citizen that should be thankful to be receiving any assistance, no matter what the condition of the food is.. they toss you the shit no one else would eat. i hated how that made me feel back then and it feels like that now- i am not a scumbag low life person. i worked my ass off to put myself through college being a single parent with 4 small kids. i REFUSED to settle for living on welfare permanently... because that's how i grew up. we never had much and my mother never made an effort to work, have a career, go to school, or even learn to drive. so when i found myself in the same situation i vowed i would not settle like she did.

i built a career for myself and until this injury, we were doing alright. i freaking fell AT work tripping over THEIR wires and now as a result of my recovery taking so long, i have lost my job- my health insurance- and now my freaking doctor. i am running out of my medications, and i am beginning to feel unwell.. and this bullshit is just the last straw!

right now i cannot grasp onto my faith- and that hurts me deeply. maybe i will be able to later, but for now i am too angry, i feel betrayed, shit on, and fucked up the ass without lube.

at this point, i am worth more dead, than alive. how ironic is that? [and no, i am not suicidal, it's just the truth].

i did call just now to make an appointment for Thursday morning.. i have to meet with the financial counselor before i see a doctor, to work out what they will charge me. i have to bring proof of income blah blah blah... this will be such a treat. i live for shit like this. maybe by next week i will be able to see a doctor. oh.. another funny thing is they couldn't even give me the names of the doctors who work there- as they rotate throughout the clinics. so chances of seeing the same one each time, is nil.

and here's the cherry on my ice cream sundae-

for the past several weeks, i have had numbness in the last 2 fingers of my injured arm, which extends all the way to my shoulder. my PT therapist said it's the ulna nerve being compressed. i had to call my workman's comp. caseworker today to ask her to speak with my orthopedic surgeon [this is all covered by workman's comp.] to inform him i have this numbness. i see him next Tuesday. she asked me if i slept with my arm bent... how the hell would i know that, since i am asleep. but shouldn't i be able to bend it, anyway? do all people keep their arms straight whilst they sleep? just one more thing. i prolly now have nerve damage [the cherry on my sundae]... and what scares me is there is still hot fudge, whipped cream, and nuts to come..


gimme a freaking break.



kristi said...

How is worker's comp not paying for this??
I lost my job recently and had to apply for insurance for my kids but I have none.

Jude said...

I hope the hot fudge, cream and nuts are all good things. You don't deserve this shit. I mean, come on, you fell at work under an unsafe condition. sue the fuckers.

ChiTown Girl said...

Oh my freakin' God!!! I'm absolutely LIVID after reading this fucking bullshit!!! What the FUCK is wrong with this world???? You fucking got hurt AT WORK!!! The same fucking work that then FIRED you, the mother fuckers! And, NOW, your fucking assbag, piece of shit, heartless mother fucking doctor DROPPED YOU AS A FUCKING PATIENT!!!???? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!??!?!!? I'm so pissed, I want to get in my car and drive straight to his office and punch him in his fucking face!!!!! The worst part is that you used to work with this prick. He could just as easily treat you for FREE, the bastard. I'm sure as I'm sitting here that he makes a pretty penny from overcharging the insurance companies of his other patients. What a fucker!

Oh, Chris, I can't tell you how this upsets me. You need to find a great lawyer, who may be willing to do some pro bono work, to help you sue every single one of these fuckers who have jacked up your life these past few months. You need to start with your work. How the FUCK can they get away with firing you while you're off, recovering from an injury you incurred AT WORK, that was SO serious it required fucking surgery!? I mean, really, WHAT THE FUCK!!??

I don't even know what the FUCK to say about this doctor bullshit. I think I've now broken the F, U, C, and K keys on my computer now, so I'd better go. Just know I'll be sending you lots of prayers, love, positive energy, and everything else I can send you.

Hey, I just had an idea. You should set up a PayPal account, linked to this blog, so your Bloggy Buddies can send you a little "love" to help with your medical bills. I want to be the first one!!! Love you, Sista! (And, I'm TOTALLY serious about this. I KNOW I'm not the only one who wants to help you.)

Technodoll said...

Oh you have GOT to be fucking KIDDING!! What the HELL!!

I cannot believe that a country as rich and as "evolved" as the USA would still treat its citizens like they're worth less than a rat's asshole - so health is for the rich only?? Good food is only alloted to the ones who "deserve" it??

Please move back to Canada!!! :(

ps: I'm worried about you... Is there anything I can do to help?

That corgi :) said...

I'm so sorry to hear this; it would have been nice if your present doctor kept you on during this hard financial time you are going through; compassion would have been nice, I think on their part


C said...

kristi, workers comp is paying for everything related to my injury. they wont pay for my regular doctor.. and my ex provides ins. on the kids. sorry you had to go through it too.

jude, i'm seriously thinking about it..

chichi, thank you sistah for the support and for the anger on my behalf! you are so cute. i couldnt accept any money from any of you, but thanks for the thought. however, i will give you my doctors address and let you rough him up for me.. ;)

TD, thanks for the support! everything is always about money.. always. if you dont have it, no one gives a shit.

corgi, yeah, aint that the truth? what an asshole he turned out to be. yes, he could of kept seeing me. once i do get a job again, he is fired, i will not see him again as my doctor. you'd think people in the health profession would give eachother a break.

thank you everyone, i appreciate your support.

alas... there is something for me to learn in all this... i just dont know what, yet.


Busy Bee Suz said...

I am just floored about all this crap you are going through.
I must be living in a little bitty hole...but it just seems SO flipping wrong. You got hurt WHILE working.
I think you need to see a lawyer. This is just wrong on so many levels.
Hugs to you my friend and please, try and keep the faith. I imagine it is very very hard right now.
Sending prayers UP to the BIG GUY in your name!!!!

Anonymous said...

Oh no, this is just too much. It's unfair on a level I can't wrap my head around. I'm really sorry and sending many, many good wishes your way.

jo.irish.rose said...

yup, chi chi is right, you should get a lawyer and sue the dude...there are lawyers out there, just like the one i hired for my disability suit, she wont charge me at all unless i win, and then she will take her fee out of my benefits, little bit each month, and there is a cap...i am sure there is the same rule for suing for workmans comp suits and the like. you HAVE to do this....YES! and if you dont win, will you will be no better off! if you do win, well you will have a nice little nest egg....you can buy a house, medical insurance, possibly pay off the car, whatever! it just opens lots of doors. but you have to take the steps to do it. i have been working this disability now for about 18 months, well i applied back in 2000, but they denied me, said jim made too much money, he was still active duty. anyhoo, DOOOO it!!! k??? love you, call you later, gotta go!