I haven't posted in a few days. every time i try to sit down to write something, my mind goes blank. there are alot of things i want to say but mainly i am preparing myself for Christopher's graduation on Saturday.
I don't mean preparing food wise or anything like that, i mean trying to prepare myself mentally and emotionally for my last child to leave the nest. and i am having a difficult time with it. i just never thought the day would come so quickly when that part of my life would be over and a new phase would begin. denial isn't just a river in Egypt.
Of course i AM looking forward to the next stage of life with all my kids and enjoying them in their adult years. i look forward to watching them grow and build their lives. yet I'm caught in that fulcrum of hanging on and letting go.
No more getting up in the early mornings to take my son to school. no more band concerts or rehearsals. my son said he is SO released to be done with high school and he is SO excited to start this next part of his life.. whereas i need some time to adjust.
He wrote me a beautiful letter for mother's day telling me how much he loves me, will miss me, and thanking me for everything i have done for him over the years. he said he wouldn't be where he is today without me. i cried like a baby.
He also wrote one to Diane for mother's day and told her she is so important in his life, and that she is the one who has helped him with his music. he told her she is the best second parent he could of ever had. again... cried like a baby.
Another thing that is bothering me is i wish i was able to buy Christopher a really nice graduation present. like a laptop that he will need... something to celebrate and signify this huge accomplishment and new beginning in his life. it hurts me deeply that i cant.
At his last band concert Monday night, he was given a small scholarship for college. they only picked 2 students for this out of the whole band. he also was awarded most outstanding band student out of everyone! and he received several other certificates, chevrons and keys. i am so proud of him!
Speaking of sex, i saw my orthopedic doc yesterday about my 2 numb fingers on the gimpy side of the playground. he said he cant tell if it is related to the injury or not so he ordered a referral to see a neurologist to have some EMG studies performed.
I definitely have a pinched nerve but he needs to know where it originates from to decide whether or not it's a work. comp. thing. if it isn't, they will not cover it. if it isn't covered by work. comp. then i will once more be f***** up the a** without the lube.
One good thing did happen today though. i called the dr's office who fired me last week and asked them if they had any free samples of the 2 meds i am out of and cannot afford to buy because they are each over $300.00 dollars each for one month. the nurse told me to come by and gave me 3 months worth of free samples for both of those meds! that is a miracle for me in my situation.
We are having miserable weather here in Omaha. it's cold, rainy, damp, and i neeeed my sunshine.... yeeeeesssss i am whining!
Has anyone but me noticed that after Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF !?!