"...wE mUst bE thE chAnGe wE wiSh tO sEE iN thE wOrld..." K.G.

4/21/2010

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soooOooo... i saw my doctor this morning for my check-up. he took another x-ray and is highly pleased with the overall progress of the healing. it has been 4 months since the surgery and he said this is the first evidence he has seen that i have turned the corner in the healing process. he admitted he didn't think it was going to heal, until today. the splinter is still there, however he said the tissue around it is beginning to scar over the tip. he ordered another 2 months of therapy and said it may even be towards the end of this year before he releases me to work again.

all in all it was good news. at least i don't need surgery. the thing is, i will not have health insurance for the duration of my recovery and i am wondering how and where i will get the 8 prescriptions i take on a daily basis. i cannot go without them. i have high blood pressure, diabetes, high cholesterol, and fibromyalgia. aside from that, i am as healthy as a horse!

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i never thought a broken humorus could take this long to heal. the doc said it is the bone in the body that is the hardest to heal.. and it was a severe break that shattered my bone into pieces. so i guess he has a point..

i do need to vent something and please don't think I'm just being a bitch.. my sister who lives here in town has really pissed me off. she's known i have no money for my meds and little for the things we need.. yet she has not offered to help me in any way. she lives pretty comfortably, her kids all go to private schools... she lives in a mansion.

back in the day, David and i helped each one of my family members out several times at the expense of putting hardship on ourselves. they lived with us, we gave them money, food, let them use our car, and gave them furniture when they moved out.. we were the parents to them as our mom couldn't help anyone.

i don't regret that, because to me family always comes first.. and i would do everything in my power to help them even now. i guess i am really more hurt than angry because i have very little and when she comes to eat she doesn't offer to bring anything and sometimes i feel like i am being taken advantage of that way, as well. she says something sarcastic to make me feel like shit if i ask her to pick up some bread or a dessert.

i am just not like that. and i guess i am feeling like i am in a situation where i need help financially but i am on my own because those in my family that could help, aren't even offering. i know saying this makes me sound like a bitch, well maybe i am one. maybe i am just depressed and angry that things are so hard for me right now. maybe i am wallowing in major self pity.. i don't even know anymore.

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after being the care taker to everyone in my family all those years when they needed me, maybe i am just bitter that now I need the help and no one cares. and bitching about it wont change anything.. all i know is that if the situation were reversed and i knew she needed some support and help, I'd be right there. even with the little i have i would still help her.. i couldn't live with myself knowing my sister needed for anything.

i just need to let go of my anger towards her, and trust that God will provide all my needs. tonight it's very difficult to do that.

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9 comments:

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Some people just don't have that nurturing instinct...and they maybe care more about themselves than others. Unfortunately!

ChiTown Girl said...

No, it does NOT make you a bitch. I would feel EXACTLY the same way. I couldn't imagine either of my siblings acting this way. As a matter of fact, we fight sometimes because we are the exact opposite of this. My sister, especially, gets upset with me because I try to help her (since she's a single mother to my 2 nieces and doesn't have steady employment). It's always little things, like if we go out for a meal, I ALWAYS grab the check. Or, if I see something at the store that I know she needs, or something I just know she'd love, I pick it up. No big deal, right?

Anyway, I agree with you wholeheartedly. Your sister obviously does not share your sense of nurturing. What a shame...

Maria said...

This may sound like a stupid question, but have you asked her for help? People are very myopic, as a rule, and some aren't very perceptive about seeing that others need help unless it is brought to their attention. And maybe, because of the fact that you have always been such a caretaker, you aren't seen as ever needing help.

jo.irish.rose said...

i can answer for you maria, i am her other sister, the baby of the family, i dont live near her, but i certainly would help if i could....i live 900 miles away and it breaks my heart to see my oldest sister go without her much needed medicines...when the middle sister could easily get them. she knows chris needs them...she sees her sleeping and hurting because she is without them. chris hasnt asked for them because the middle sister will never let her live it down...she will throw it in her face just about every day...even if it $10.00! when i was there visiting....she was "in a mood" because i stayed at my oldest sisters house, only because the other sister worked all day. does that make sense? we would get together later, but she would always throw things in our face like we had a "club" or we did things all day and she wasnt included. well, it wasnt our fault that she worked...but it is stuff like this, imature things, she is 50 years old, the middle one, and this is what we deal with. she knows chris needs her meds....but if she were to ask for them? there would be hell to pay for years....she still throws things up in her face of stuff she has done for her of years ago!!! this is our kin!! if i lived nearer, i dont know what i would do, but i am not in a position to help her finacially. i just pray that some some medical insurance will work out for her. keep her in your prayers. and the other sister too. thanks guys. i do love them both.

That corgi :) said...

that is amazing that the humorus bone takes that long to heal! it seems like it has been a long haul for you with it too. I do think it is sad that your one sister isn't helping as she can; at least acknowledging your need and trying to help would make some type of a difference; such a sad situation all around

betty

C said...

thank you everyone for your support. cheech, i do the same thing... i am always picking up lil things for her or the kids that i think they will like.. but i'm done beause its not appreciated. also, i usually treat her if we go out. she counts every penny and is generous with her friends but not with me. i could tell you stories, but theres no point.
maria, i have right out asked her and she looked me in the eye and said "i don't have any extra money to help you". and i know it's a lie. a bold faced lie.
betty, yeah if i felt like she cared, it would really make difference.
i hope i am not portraying her to be a bad person. she's not.. she just has more than all of us and doesnt help anyone in need. i appreciate the support, peeps.. thank you.

c

1:07 AM

Busy Bee Suz said...

I am so happy that your limpy arm is healing!!!!!! Take that Dr. who thought you would not heal!!! **poking him in the eye with my elbow**
Not sure what to say about your Sister. Perhaps she has some resentment towards you....and does not remember what family is supposed to mean? You never know what is going on in other peoples minds C.
Hugs to you!!!
Suz

J. Hi said...

You aren't a bitch, you're wonderful. But not everyone can be like you. I do understand your hurt, I have felt it too.

Technodoll said...

Oh wow, C, that's just terrible about your stingy sister... :( Does she just ignore the situation out of carelessness or does she just not give a damn?

I wish I had money to send you... or hey move to Canada, where the gov'ment sponsors people's meds. The proper way to live.

At least your arm's getting better, then you can throw a baseball in her mansion's window this summer. Accidentally of course.

OK fine, I'll do it for you!