"...wE mUst bE thE chAnGe wE wiSh tO sEE iN thE wOrld..." K.G.



it's another sleepless night for me on the plains in the Midwest. [ooohh that sounds SO dramatic] but really, i am sick and tired of this insomnia! i am definitely calling the doc in the morning and requesting SOMETHING besides Ambien.... as it doesn't work for me.

the latest news around here is that today i called a nurse manager i know at another hospital and told her about my situation. she was very nice, seemed to be impressed that i would not have to be orientated, as i know the computer charting system there because that is where i float and where i FELL AND BROKE ME ARM. she told me to go ahead and apply online and that she would contact the gal in HR to flag my application to be directly sent to her.

well, i could possibly have a new job waiting for me there yet i am having such anxiety about it. there are two negative's so far that i can think of.. 1.) it would be a busier unit to work on there. and b.) it is a good 20 minute drive to get there. however, it is a brand spanking new unit that was just built and opened... and there are things i would not have to do there that we have had to do at my old unit.

we had to take baby pictures, perform hearing screens, check every baby for jaundice even if not called for, and double/triple chart all the time because our manager liked to cater to please the doctors.

at the new unit, a company takes all the baby pictures, there is a professional who comes in to perform the hearing screens, and all sickly babies go to the NICU rather than us having to deal with whatever is wrong. they also don't check for jaundice unless baby needs it and lab comes up to do that. so, my duties will change a little. it sounds like a better fit for me yet i feel hesitant and do not know why.

although i will be leaving the friends i have been used to working with the past 9 years, i know i will make new ones AND can keep in touch with the ones i choose to. also, i would be starting new there, without any preconceived ideas about who i am or anything that has occurred in my past... a fresh start, ya know?

i have been so tired of the mundane bullshit that goes on in my old unit, and all the political crap that just pisses everyone off because nothing changes or improves. at the new place, it's bigger and will have less of all that. the doctors there are used to looking up their own information rather than us having print it out for them, and leave several copies of it in different places in case they don't see it here or there. we have to fetch like bad doggies to their every whim, even if we are busy doing something when they come. maybe i am just looking for excuses to either stay or leave, i don't know.... but a change is definitely in my future. [this would also be within the same company].

another option for me is the new hospital just 4 miles down the street which will open in June. i have been wanting to apply there as well, maybe part time at first just to see if i like how they do things... who knows? in fact i had an interview with them the day after i broke my arm, which i had to cancel.

who knows, my peeps.... who else but god knows what tomorrow will bring for any of us.. i think i feel more confident that i WILL have a new job, but change has always been difficult for me to accept because it brings out my insecurities. and i hate when that happens!

see? this is why i cant sleep! my mind is going 90 miles a minute... and NOT just about this stuff, it's mixed in with Marie Osmond's son committing suicide, that 17 year old girl's body that was just found, the earth's axis having been affected by that last earthquake... getting everything done for my son to attend college this fall... the worry about my daughter, grandson and her hubby going to California Saturday... i keep imagining the worst because of the increased crime everywhere... oh my god! and so much more HELP ME QUIET MY MIND FOR PETE'S FUCKING SAKE I CANT TAKE IT ANY MORE...


and you wonder why i cant sleep.

well, that was 5 minutes worth of what's going on in my mind..




Chloe said...

I wish you luck on your job hunt. A fresh start might actually be what you really need. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous said...

You can't allow yourself to worry that much about things you cannot control. That said, sometimes you just can't turn your brain off - we've all gone through those scary moments when you can't sleep and all you do is think terrible thoughts. My trick latley is to think about a tv show I've recently watched (lately it's been the Bachelor) and fixating on every silly detail. Before long, I'm out completely. It just works for me - maybe it can work for you too. :)

Busy Bee Suz said...

You have TWO options coming up. Don't fret over all the little details...you have TWO options!!!! That is awesome. TWO!!!!
And a 20 minute drive? Sounds like you are used to walking out your door and into work? Cause no one gets to do that...lucky girl.

I would love to take the baby pictures...will they hire me??? :)

get some sleep sister!!!

jo.irish.rose said...

toone, well like suz said, you have 2 options, where before you had NONE!! i think the job at bergen is the best one...even tho it is where you fell... you should work there if it all works out. all the lil things for work seem to fit. the lil details that you didn't like to do, or mattered at the other job are different at this job, so it might be like a little "clue" as to which one to take. AND the other one won't be available until june...that is 3 months away...can you wait that long? when can you start at bergen? weigh those options too, if you have to wait for the bergen one, until june time, than maybe the new hospital will be better? since it is closer, and will the pay be better and work conditions? that is just the stuff you have to look at. don't focus on all the stuff you have to do....pope stite crotte....think of fun stuff you have to look forward to in your new job, OMG you have to go shopping for a new bag and new fun stuff like pens and pencils and containers for your lunch!!! and what about uniforms??? oh! what cute uniform tops they have, which one should we choose? send me pics, i will help you pick one, k? and all about christophes school stuff, he is a BIG boy, he can do that on his own, you can just help him....don't do it for him. he will have to do it on his own pretty soon. and alex too. make them all do their own. you just guide them like the wonderful mommy you are. and emily and de and jubes will be fine....they are just going on a trip....they will be back...peeps fly all the time...k? pope stite, give me a big hug....i wish i was there to squish you, why doesn't the ambien work for you? i can take a 1/2 now and it works better than a whole one, just enough to make me drowsy. before, a whole one made me comatose...lol. call your doc, though, they may give you something but you shouldn't have to take something everyday....you don't want to depend on it. i only use it when i need it. you need a nice back rub...DIANE???? lol i wub my sissy, wish i was there....call me, k? pope stite babine....

jo.irish.rose said...

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DysFUNctional Mom said...

The potential new job sounds really good. So does sleep, so get ya some!!!!