it's another sleepless night for me on the plains in the Midwest. [ooohh that sounds SO dramatic] but really, i am sick and tired of this insomnia! i am definitely calling the doc in the morning and requesting SOMETHING besides Ambien.... as it doesn't work for me.
the latest news around here is that today i called a nurse manager i know at another hospital and told her about my situation. she was very nice, seemed to be impressed that i would not have to be orientated, as i know the computer charting system there because that is where i float and where i FELL AND BROKE ME ARM. she told me to go ahead and apply online and that she would contact the gal in HR to flag my application to be directly sent to her.
well, i could possibly have a new job waiting for me there yet i am having such anxiety about it. there are two negative's so far that i can think of.. 1.) it would be a busier unit to work on there. and b.) it is a good 20 minute drive to get there. however, it is a brand spanking new unit that was just built and opened... and there are things i would not have to do there that we have had to do at my old unit.
we had to take baby pictures, perform hearing screens, check every baby for jaundice even if not called for, and double/triple chart all the time because our manager liked to cater to please the doctors.
at the new unit, a company takes all the baby pictures, there is a professional who comes in to perform the hearing screens, and all sickly babies go to the NICU rather than us having to deal with whatever is wrong. they also don't check for jaundice unless baby needs it and lab comes up to do that. so, my duties will change a little. it sounds like a better fit for me yet i feel hesitant and do not know why.
although i will be leaving the friends i have been used to working with the past 9 years, i know i will make new ones AND can keep in touch with the ones i choose to. also, i would be starting new there, without any preconceived ideas about who i am or anything that has occurred in my past... a fresh start, ya know?
i have been so tired of the mundane bullshit that goes on in my old unit, and all the political crap that just pisses everyone off because nothing changes or improves. at the new place, it's bigger and will have less of all that. the doctors there are used to looking up their own information rather than us having print it out for them, and leave several copies of it in different places in case they don't see it here or there. we have to fetch like bad doggies to their every whim, even if we are busy doing something when they come. maybe i am just looking for excuses to either stay or leave, i don't know.... but a change is definitely in my future. [this would also be within the same company].
another option for me is the new hospital just 4 miles down the street which will open in June. i have been wanting to apply there as well, maybe part time at first just to see if i like how they do things... who knows? in fact i had an interview with them the day after i broke my arm, which i had to cancel.
who knows, my peeps.... who else but god knows what tomorrow will bring for any of us.. i think i feel more confident that i WILL have a new job, but change has always been difficult for me to accept because it brings out my insecurities. and i hate when that happens!
see? this is why i cant sleep! my mind is going 90 miles a minute... and NOT just about this stuff, it's mixed in with Marie Osmond's son committing suicide, that 17 year old girl's body that was just found, the earth's axis having been affected by that last earthquake... getting everything done for my son to attend college this fall... the worry about my daughter, grandson and her hubby going to California Saturday... i keep imagining the worst because of the increased crime everywhere... oh my god! and so much more HELP ME QUIET MY MIND FOR PETE'S FUCKING SAKE I CANT TAKE IT ANY MORE...
STOP THE WORLD, I WANNA GET OFF!
and you wonder why i cant sleep.
well, that was 5 minutes worth of what's going on in my mind..