"...wE mUst bE thE chAnGe wE wiSh tO sEE iN thE wOrld..." K.G.

12/21/2009

Christmas blessings..

the other night, a friend from work came over to "visit" as she put it... and brought at least 12 bags of groceries with her for us, including a turkey, a ham, all the fixins for diners to go with each plus more... and a bag of wrapped prezzies for me, each of my kids, Diane, my son-in-law and grandson! she stayed awhile and we had some tea. we actually had a very nice conversation. i was lost for words as she brought all the bags in, and i had tears in my eyes because of her generosity and kindness.

i also felt some shame as she is someone whom i didn't think liked me, and someone i thought would treat me differently when she found out i was gay.... as far as i know, she hasn't. when i gave her a hug, she held on so tight like she really meant it.

i am humbled.

i have clearly misjudged her and what i believed she thought of me.

for that i am very sorry. but my opinion of her didn't just create itself. she is someone whom i have had a difference of opinion with several times about work issues... and we have butted heads a few times when she was in charge and made a few unfair decisions concerning me and my work. so yes, i did have an opinion of what i thought she thought of me already formed in my mind based on these issues. which has caused me to react to her in ways i may have chosen to do so differently if i believed for even a moment that she liked me as a friend. i realize as i write this that i am guilty of basing my reaction to her based solely on how i thought she disliked me.

i am not that kind of person. not usually. i usually try to treat everyone the same, and be especially caring to someone who doesn't appear to care for me. i have always believed this was the best way to counteract the unkindness shown to me because i do not know what that person is living with in their personal life and maybe whatever negativity or pain they have is just coming out at me sideways. so i try to be extra caring to those kinds of people. and i say a prayer for them.

she is teaching me a lesson about myself that i needed to re-learn, because clearly i have not acted my best in this situation. i have been quick to blame her when she may have been innocent, and i have said a few things about her that i am now ashamed of and wish i could take back. all based on what i thought she thought of me.

so Santa, for this i deserve a lump of coal.

crp

7 comments:

Busy Bee Suz said...

this just proves the old saying: You never know what people are really thinking. THis is a nice surpise...how kind of her.

the Dill Doe is funny. nasty. But funny.

Christmas hugs,
Suz

Technodoll said...

In each life event there is a lesson to be learned - whoa, that was a big one! How lovely is that?

See, now you have a new friend and your heart just got stretched a little more.

Beautiful story!

xoxo

ChiTown Girl said...

Aw.....my Bloggy Buddy, this story made me tear up just a bit. What a wonderful, caring, generous thing for your "friend" to do! You KNOW you deserve it, though, right? Birds of a feather, and all that....

Clippy Mat said...

this is wonderful. People like that just fill my heart. So glad that she was able to do this for you. (I know it's the kind of thing YOU would do for someone.) It's good to know that you each got a 2nd chance to know each other better.
great story.
hope you are healing my friend.
take care
hugs
pat :-)

DysFUNctional Mom said...

She sounds like a good friend. I'm glad you found that out.
Sometimes people are hard to read; I've thought people didn't like me many times, but then again I'm paranoid like that. :P

Sheri said...

Beautiful self reflection there. No lumps of coal however, you get more presents for realizing it. You wouldn't give your kids lumps of coals? You did good.

dont eat the token said...

Wow that is a really heartfelt message. I hate when I have bad mouthed someone for something and then they turn around and do something really nice in return... it's a great system of checks & balances. You are wiser for this new experience, have someone you can add to the relationship with, and a really good message for the rest of us in blog-land.

I hope you had a wonderful Christmas!