its fall, ya’ll….. so what does that mean exactly? for me it officially marks the end of summer and beginning of what will soon be called the “HOLIDAYS”. i say the end of summer because due to the really shitty summer we had with not enough pool days, i was hoping we’d have an Indian summer where it gets very hot and you wish you could still go swimming but usually by this time, all the pools are closed. i didn't wanna let my hope die. i kept it alive with hot thoughts until the chilly 42 degrees of this morning whenst i got off work. i kept thinking the heat would come back. well guess what? i was fuckin wrong, i was. it not only didn't come back, it was never here! it just pretended to be summer. teasing me with just enough sun to make me believe i could get in my suit and go into the pool. the bastard. yeah, i went in alright… but would quickly get out as i became chilled to the bone. JUST. NOT. ENOUGH. HOT. DAYS. THIS. SEASON. so now that my bubble has burst and i no longer think the heat will come back, i am forced to digress and accept that fall is here, i have no fear, and i am still queer.
i can live with that.
the pool is now silent. can ya hear it? the deck furniture is put away. no more floaties bouncing around on the water. the pool cover is going on… and my beloved pool will hibernate until next summer arrives, hopefully to be hotter than this past one. i will then glance pathetically at the covered pool whenever i walk out to the garage and feel forlorn… a tear may actually form in the corner of my eye, float for awhile as i did in the pool on my floaties, and finally release itself onto my cheek…. once there, it will sadly make its way down past the bridge of the nose…. onto my fluffy cheek, say a prayer and one, two, three- dive off my face landing explosively flat onto the ground, dead as a door nail. but it wasn't a wasted attempt for my lone tear had a final vision of diving into the calm blue waters of our pool… and so it envisioned that fantasy as it took the plunge… never knowing what hit the poor lil fucker as it splattered flat on the ground…. D.E.A.D..
isn't that just the saddest thing you ever read?
fuck me hard, i miss my pool…..
on a different note, Diane and i had a wonderful time this Saturday as we went to see my musical son Christopher's band competition in Columbus, Nebraska. its about 95 miles west of here. our beloved birthmother Terri [see older post] lives there so we were able to erm, kill uh, 2 birds with one stone. [i know that's a real saying but its fucking gruesome, innit?] we didn't kill any birds for Pete’s sake, why do they say that? [and who the fuck elected Pete for the position when Paul & Mary applied too? what qualified him over the others, i ask myself] jus askin.. when we arrived Terri had a scrumptious lunch awaiting us. she is a chef so you can just imagine…. YUMMY. we ate till we were stuffed like a turkey come thanksgiving.
waddled visited some of Nicholas's birth family that we have come to know and love. we saw his 93 year old grandma who is so frikkin cute you just wanna slap her. we shopped a little, went out to the river where Terri’s uncle lives, and took some awesome pictures… [see below], went to the competition.. my son’s school won first place. i am SO proud of him. he sat in front opening the competition with a solo on the bassoon…. then he would put that down and proceed to play percussion, then back to the bassoon… the whole thing was MARVY i say, just marvy. he is a senior so i am trying to savor every last moment of such things as this, because this will be his last year doing it. i have to admit i had tears…. not like the suicidal one on my cheek, but very painful grieving tears…. i am not ready for my youngest to be done with high school yet. alas, i will save ALL THAT for another post….
after the competition, Terri took us out to dinner at a very nice restaurant that actually has a bidet in the bathroom. its a stand up one which i have never seen before. i guess by what the instructions posted say, you are supposed to spread your legs and hover your coochy over this little spout thing, wait for the water to wash the ole girl, dab it dry with a paper they provide and go on your merry way knowing that YES you are fresh down there…. as if you just took a nice bath. well, uh, I'm short. my vajayjay didn't hover over the spout thing- it came eye to eye with it. i think it actually winked, too. so i was unable to take part in the stand up coochy washer at the posh restaurant. so me and my coochy just walked away… little lips pouting, hanging her head low…. it was so sad..
it sucks to be short sometimes. you would think if they were really that posh, they’d have an adjustable coochy washer… one that could be manipulated to different heights…. from lil midget peoples to tall, lanky ladies…. but NOOOOOOOOO. it was one coochy size fits all coochy size. well, i hate to be the bearer of bad news, restaurant… but you aren't SO posh now after all, ARE ya..? you and your non-adjustable spout thing. go fuck yourself..
we went to Terri’s and Diane had a few brewskies as we chatted and goofed around. so i drove home. here she was saying “i NEVAH sleep whilst I'm traveling….” 15 minutes later she’s out like a light in the passenger seat… justa snorin away. so i drive. i got the satellite radio on low, singing away quietly to my tunes…. after awhile, I'm bored. i get the Dennis the Menace itch to do something spontaneous… my lil fingers start twitchin as they grasp the steering wheel… and i think to myself… hmmmmm, what could i do?
well, down the center line on the 2-way highway they have those vibrating slashes down the center line to wake you up if’n you should fall asleep whilst driving and begin to wander over to the next lane? ya’ll know what I'm talkin about, right? so i decide to gently drive across it and see what happens. VRRRRRRRRR the wife bolts up and says WTF was that? a devilish semi smile lurks in the one corner of my mouth as i say, oh sorry honey, i did not mean to wake you up…. i guess i musta crossed over the center line there for a momento… she gives me a dirty look and goes back to sleep. 20 minutes later my fingers begin to twitch once more…. do i dare do it again?
why not…. VRRRRRRRRR up she pops-
WHAT THE FUCKETY FUCK WAS THAT? she barks…. eyes wide and freaked out and scared and shit… lookin around just above the dashboard.. oh, nuttin, honey- go back to sleep…. and now I'm laughing hysterically. she gives me the look- don't do that again, Chris… or ELSE.
H’OKAY, DEAR…. i wont and i don't. but it sure was fun those 2 times… heehee I'm still chucklin. she’s so cute when she’s mad.
now that i have gotten all that off my chest, i am sleepy. just worked 12 hours and was trying to wind down before i crawled into the sack with the wife who’s all curled up and warm. i think I'll go nuzzle my ice cold lil feet on her and see if she stirs…