i haven't been able to do my WTF weds. as usual nor post anything. i come on my blog, stare at the blank page- NADA. i browse through a few bloggy friends and comment here and there. whoopeeee! other times i sit on here playing a mindless solitaire game of cards, over and over again... wasting time. then i sleep, eat [waaaay too much], work, and repeat. i haven't even had the energy to pick up any overtime. OR decorate for my fave season Halloween. or play cards... or clean. [thank god for Diane, she saves my life on a daily basis]. i have been in a bit of a funk, and am trying very hard to snap out of it. but all i can manage to force myself to do is the basic autopilot daily things i need to do to make it to tomorrow. i guess this is a BIG WTF of it's own. yep. my life at the moment.
-where did my joy go?
-where did i leave my energy and motivation?
-WTF is wrong with me?
one thing that i could be going through is change in seasons from summer to fall to fastly approaching winter. i have S.A.D. [seasonal affect disorder]. if i don't get enough sun i get like this plus very depressed. yep, I'll bet that is my dilemma. if i hadn't started this post today i would not have realized it. sometimes it creeps over me like a shadow and then BAM I'm in this funk before i even know WTF hit me.
i will have to hit the tanning beds to kick myself outta this funk before i spiral out into oblivion never to be heard from again! not only will my spirits lift from tanning, i will look darker therefore thinner... bwahahahaha always a plus. I'm such a sun bunny all summer long.. i crave it and i feel great.. even though my sister who lives here bitches about me getting skin cancer every time she sees me, my body must know what it needs. as i look back in retrospect over my entire life, i can see how i have always had S.A.D. the symptoms for me are as follows;
come sept. and oct. i go into this hibernation phase where i HAVE to start cooking the "winter meals" like stews, chili, ya know, winter meals. gone are the salads and fruits/veggies of summer. my eating becomes out of control as i pack on the weight. [was i a bear in another life?] i begin to not want to go outside for walks even though this is my fave season. i sleep alot more. i have no energy. no drive. no motivation. and don't even ask me about sex. i feel yukky all the time. and i go into this slump of a funk... when i do realize i am in the S.A.D. i am deep into it already and it usually takes longer to get out of it. i have depression anyway and take Zoloft daily [year round] but when you have this disorder that isn't quite enough. so there you have it. me. I'm here. I'm queer. and i have S.A.D., get used to it! if reading about this helps any ONE person, that will soothe my heart. this disorder can make you feel cRaZy.. trust me on this. go 'head, look it up on Google.. it's definitely a real disorder. pinky swear.
i think i feel some relief... and i didn't even have to use Alka Seltzer....!