"...wE mUst bE thE chAnGe wE wiSh tO sEE iN thE wOrld..." K.G.

4/01/2009

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this morning started off lovely. my boys went to put their shoes on for school as they were in a rush cuz i turned off their alarm clocks and they were late! (bad mommy #1)

as they tried to slip their tootsies into the shoes, they couldnt. why, you ask? cuz i stuffed toilet paper way down in the toes and let's just say, they had a hard time trying to get it out. (bad mommy #2)

in their haste, they both grabbed a cuppla donuts off the counter for their breakfast. as they scurried, they were so thankful i bought donuts, and off they went. "have a great day at school", i yelled as they slammed out the door. my 17 year old drives the 2 of them to school. unbeknownst to them, i had turned up the radio in the car really loud, the wipers were on, all the defrost buttons were on hot/high... the seats were way off kilter and all the way down to the floor. poor kids. they were running late, too. awwwww. (annoying mommy # 3)

5 minutes later, i get "the call" ----------> "MOM! what the heck did you do to the donuts? they taste really really bad" the one not driving says, as he's choking on the spicy center.... (which had been replaced somehow with horseradish) (oops, my bad) all i could do was laugh hysterically and hang up. (really bad mommy # 4)

so school is now over. they're home and they are NOT finding my little stunts too funny. they are lecturing my laughing ass face about being mean "specially when we are running late". i ignore them as i continue leaving messages for my friends and co-workers in different voices, pretending i am Jim Nasium.... Mike Hunt. Mike Hock. Jenny Talia. Joe Mama.... just to name a few. (funny mommy # 5).

dinner is ready, i call lovingly to my children. we are having tacos. every body fixes their own and upon taking the first bite, they nearly throw up on their plate. oh? OH. i guess the meat really ISN'T burger meat. hmmmm. could it be chocolate? maybe, chocolate mixed with doggie nibbles? i think SO. and imagine that, my kids don't like chocolate or doggie nibbles in their tacos. who knew? (bad mommy # 6).

so they reach for their very pretty pink drink with lots of ice cubes. "it's crystal lite raspberry ice", i say. mmmm their favorate. i nearly bite my lips raw trying not to laugh as they quickly discover i made it with vinegar. OOPS. MY BAD. (bad mommy # 7).

they decide to have sandwiches now since "i ruined the tacos".... OK, honey, go right ahead, i say. i DO love them SO much. MY boys. OK, bread, mustard, meat, cheese, tomatoes, salt and pepper. sound yummy? mmmmm yes it should be. (except that i switched out the salt for sugar, and the pepper for coffee). UH OH. what was i thinking! i blurt out.... (bad mommy #8)

i do enjoy a good joke or two and i ended up taking them out for pizza. after all, they were such good sports. they didn't cuss once. and they COULD have. i WOULD have, if it would of been me. and oh lookie lookie here.... mommy forgot her wallet! hope you boys have some money on ya.... they did. reluctantly. (naughty mommy # 9) i might be starting to feel a lil guilty about now....

nah.

we watch a little TV until it's time for bed. (big yawns).... night mom. night mommy. i love you. i love you too! sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite. and boys? I'm sorry 'bout all those tricks today, i say.... "that's OK mom, we love you. it was fun". (sort of...)

(good mommy. finally).

MY boys. they make me proud. such good boys......

now tell me this. if YOU were my boys, wouldn't you, by this time, be extra careful with everything, beings that i have pranked them all frikkin day? wouldn't you think they might be a little suspicious, even just a tiny bit?

MOM! i hear. yes, dear?

MOM! what did you put in our beds?

MOI? what could you mean, honey...? (snickering to myself quietly)

MOM! they come running out....

OH MY. it looks like you boys are gonna need a shower, ey? angrily they shoot dirty looks at me and all i can do is laugh hysterically. my boys turned their lights off as they do every night, and slipped into their short sheeted bedsheets.... only to discover SOMEONE had put toothpaste, sugar, sprinkles, and Karo syrup on the pillows and sheets! WHO COULD DO SUCH A THING! i yell through my hysteria.......

OK OK I'm done i said... (wiping tears from my face from laughing....)

you guys take turns showering and I'll change your beds.....

all in a day's work..... if you ask me. i think i have finally gotten my revenge from that time they brought me in a box full of night crawlers telling me it was a surprise they made for me at school. i was SO elated! i kissed them both and hugged them... clapped in delight as i opened my gift.... only to see the moving mess in my hands... WORMS! i freaked out. screamed bloody murder and nearly fainted as i have a PHOBIA of worms and snakes....

i swear to god i nearly had a heart attack..... while my adorable little BOYS stood there laughing hysterically at me.

UH OH. wait a minute, here..... i got it wrong.

it wasn't them who gave me the worms.....

it was my daughter....

(shit)

MY BAD.

yes, that was our day today.

and if you believe THAT, you must be an April fool!

Happy April Fools Day!

GOTCHA!!!!!!!

(and gotcha good!). (heehee)

crp



9 comments:

Busy Bee Suz said...

I was thinking the whole time...who has time for this? And making a mess in the sheets? Are you crazy. well, yes I suppose YES.

Tina-cious.com said...

Is it any indication that I'm a mom when I had a heart attack about the Karo syrup on the sheets??

Chloie said...

That was a real funny one! You have an imaginative mind!

greg said...

Very funny!

ChiTown Girl said...

You are a nutball! And I would have TOTALLY believed that you really did all these things. But, I was relieved to see you didn't!

Crazy Mo said...

Good fantasy! The whole time I was thinking you deserved an award for making those messes. Good one!

SkylersDad said...

You are one crazy mom!

King of New York Hacks said...

Love it. I hope you don't mind, but I'm stealing that list for next year....or maybe sooner its THAT funny !!! LOL !

C said...

no king, you may use it and lemme know how it goes over. SO glad you're back!

C