"...wE mUst bE thE chAnGe wE wiSh tO sEE iN thE wOrld..." K.G.


one of my blogger friends innocently asked me if i was the "man" in my relationship with Diane. although that might offend some, it does not offend me. i am actually glad she asked because i like to take every opportunity to help people understand, if i can. by asking if i am the "man" does that mean she wants to know if one of us is like a husband who is the main provider, the fixer of all things broken, the protector, while the "woman" of us would be the home maker, nurturer, and carer of children, if any? first of all, i think the idea that gay couples [both male and female] are even placed in a categorized role like that, is the result of our societal stigma that we must all have our place and be defined for public acceptance. [which is ironic in itself, because we aren't]..... as if those 2 things can help people try to understand homosexuality... all it really does is lay ground for judgement. but my question is this- without differentiating the same sex couple into such "roles" can we not just be viewed as 2 people in love who have found what we need in another soul, who just happens to be of the same gender? if one may appear to be more physically defined than the other, it doesn't mean she is the "man." and if one may appear to be more feminine than the other, it doesn't mean she is the "woman." for Diane and i, our roles are not measured according to our hormonal arrangement. yes, she appears to be more athletic than i, and that is because she is. i have always leaned towards being the home-maker domestic goddess type, because that's me. [hetero couples portray the same differences... according to body type etc...] however, we both have our own strengths and skills. we consider ourselves to be equal in this relationship, rather than one dominating the other. we have many things in common, and still enjoy our individuality. other gay couples may have different perspectives of how they view themselves, and i would like to hear from them and hear about how it plays out for them. to be quite fair, to those who DO consider the man/woman role, i want to acknowledge that i respect your views. it's all in the perspective, isn't it.... some of us need defined roles and some of us do not. i can only state how Diane and i see ourselves as a couple. to be totally honest, where she leaves off i pick up, and vise versa. we are a compliment to each other. in conclusion i guess i would have to say that no, dear friend, i am not the man in our relationship, and neither is Diane. she and i both take turns doing all those things that would categorise us, depending on whichever one of us is more skilled to do so. we are not about the appearances of looking butch, dykey, or femme. [i find nothing wrong with those looks, they are just not us]. as in all people, all of human kind, there are variances and degrees of such, that define and satisfy people of all types, in both the gay & straight world. and it's all good, man.... i hope i answered your curiosity, to your understanding. if not, lemme know and we can give it another whirl, girl......
the opinions expressed here are strictly my own. no insinuation to any characters real or fake, are implied. no animals were injured during the writing of this post, however, one boxer girl DID sneak a bite of my crackers and will be severely punished. i have sent her to her room, without dinner and with only 3 smoochies rather than 4. [i am the mean mommy].
she'll learn, that naughty girl, she'll learn.....


Hit 40 said...

My boys also play the sax. Love it.

They also started to learn guitar in the fall. ALSO LOVE IT!

You were cool with the question "if you were the man" I do not get offended by a question either.

Way to remain calm!!!

Busy Bee Suz said...

Your P.S just about made me lose my coffee. :) You are to funny.
I love your explanation of your roles and I have to say your relationship with Diane sounds as perfect as mine w/ the coach. :)

A funny misconception...my MIL was over recently and we were watching Ellen. My MIL said to me: "Now, if Ellen calls Portia her wife, then that makes Ellen the husband. right?"
I said noooo....they are both wifes. SHe could not figure that part out herself....too funny.
Yes, lots of stereotyping going on...but I think one day, it will all be NO concern to anyone who is who in our relationships. right?

jo.irish.rose said...

OMG, i am going to have to call the SPCA or the child protective services or the CIA or SOMEONE!!! sending that poor baby bella to her room with only 3 smoochies, how could you? you are satan himself!! she must of been starving to have taken a tiny little bitty bite of cracker. i cant believe you did that to her for a frikkin bite of cracker. she is starving and you punish her? i'm calling the police or someone.....jo

lol :)

La Roo said...

Love you and your straight forwardness. Take a bow dear lady, you just did such a wonderful thing by putting it all out there as it is. Not just for you guys, but just human beings in general. We don't need to be categorized in our life. We are just us. And we are who we are.

Technodoll said...

Now I get it! Doh! Makes total sense and sounds like a perfect balance.

I'm not even sure the words Husband or Wife should have pre-defined notions, that was squashed in the 50's (or should have been... still need to burn alot of bras to reach equality, as sad as it is)..

Thank you for taking the time to share how it is! I feel enlightened now *embarassed smile*

greg said...

I think that you did a great job explaining it. You are so kind with people and that's rare - I really like that about you.