midnight ramblings on a dark, cold night....

I just loooove these fractal images! Well here I am again, I must say I have alot on my mind. I've been keeping up with tammy's (of melissa and tammy etheridge) blog, and every time I read it, I feel touched to see a part of their lives. They, as a couple, are my idols, and when I start feeling lost, I think of them and it revalidates my choice of lifestyle. And it comforts me to know of them. By choice, I mean either you are gay or not, the CHOICE part comes in when you choose to live your truth, or live for what others want you to be. That's the only CHOICE there is to being gay. I choose to live my truth. At least that's what I believe. I have depression, I've had it since I was younger, and at age 50 it hasn't gone away. So I have days when I'm functioning @ 99%, and I have days when it takes all of my energy just to breathe. I have to find strength somewhere, and I find it sometimes in music, sometimes in God, sometimes in nature, sometimes by writing thoughts or poetry, and sometimes by thinking of my gay sisters such as melissa and tammy, ellen and portia, rosie and kelly.....ya know, other couples like diane and I. If it weren't for looking to these sisters of mine, I would feel very very alone. I would be frightened, I guess.... Knowing of them and being able to see parts into thier lives, comforts me. Funny but Diane and I don't have any "gay couple" friends, and I don't know why. I know of several, but there just aren't any we click with enough to hang out. It would be such fun to be able to get together and play cards once a week, or have dinners together. Oh well, A-N-Y-W-A-Y-S.....
Diane's downstairs watching TV, I think the food channel, and if I know her, as I do, she's probly asleep on the couch. It's after midnight. I am a night owl, since I work nights, well I always have been, I guess. I've always ALWAYS prefferred night time over days.... and I am wide awake. what to do, what to do....hmmmmmm..... Maybe I'll go check the Hollywood Farm Girl site and see if tammy has posted anything new.
Well, I think I'm gonna go play a few rounds of CARAMBA, its a fun game. Goodnite, sleep tight, and dont let the crocodiles bite....

CRP