"...wE mUst bE thE chAnGe wE wiSh tO sEE iN thE wOrld..." K.G.


I have been doing my best to keep my chins up during this difficult time of my life. Not only am I battling financial and health issues, but family issues as well. It is SO hard to keep hold of the thread I am hanging by, and it's startin' to leave a blister... and I am truly sorry for repeating the same broken record over and over again but this is my life at the moment. And I will share my joys with you. I too want better, more positive updates and things to share, I am sick of hearing about me, too. At least you get to leave, I am STUCK with me all the freeking time. Should we, erm, form a group.. OK, name suggestions; "Broke as a cowboy's back on a mountain"  or  "How Stella got her cooties back"  or  "Star trick... watch whores in space sell their goods" or my fave, "May the farts be with you."

Stop trying to get me off track here. I have to pee, ya know.

Today I went to cardiac rehab and discovered next Friday is my last session. I do not feel like I am ready to leave mama birds' nest, yet. When she pushes me out to fly, (first, I'm gonna flip her off) then I'm gonna drop head first, dead weight like an anvil, shatting myself on the way down, trying desperately to flap me wings knowing damn well they have neuropathy, but landing like a thud on the ground and going up in smoke. All that will be left will be me clean underwears I put on that morning... (aside from the shat) but the joke will be on YOU cuz I wont wear any that morning... hah HAH!  I'd like to leave you with a nice smile... a comforting  memory of what once was MOI..

Seriously, I'm about as ready as I will ever be but I don't feel like I completed my program, as I had several obstacles (rhymes with testicles) to over come which set me back. Does that mean I'm a hollah back gurl?

I guess not... cuz I don't wanna be no hollah back gurl...

One good thing I have been doing for myself (well, aside from that..) is taking meself on picanics. (pronounced like Yogi bear would). Yep I pack up a Sammie (or a Jerry or a Bertha) and a fruit, (an Ellen or a Wanda), a drink, and go park somewhere busy where I can see peoples of all kinds going about their bidness... ya know, like Wal-Mart parking lots (makes me wish I'd brought me camera) or the grocery store (tryin' to make out what foods they bought through the sacks (not ball sacks, them plastic ones) and ponder to meself what kind of evening they have in store for the fam... I must say though, that the mind is a terrible thing to waste, and that's about all I'm a doin' there... wasting my mind.

Ah, que sera, sera... WTF and all that jazz... if there is nothing productive to be doing with your mind at the moment ya mize well toss it into a crowd and see what happens.

Speaking of sex, driving by McDonalds today I saw 2 homeless men dressed in layers of rags cuz it was brrrr cold, (bless them) puffing on ciggy butts, sitting on the ice cold ground right in front of the restaurant winders, havin' themselves a lil picanic! They had their foods laid out betwixxed them. I'd of joined them but I already ate mine. I felt sorry for them and prayed for them, knowing darn well that could be me in the near future. 'Cept I'm not a smoker AND I don't eat fast foods no mo'.

But I DO still enjoy going through the drive-thru and when that lil voice comes outta the box... "welcome to Micky D's, would you like to try our new blah blah dee blah, with bacon and a chocha-mocha-latte? So I say "umm, I don't know what I want yet..."  they reply, "take your time, & order when you're ready.."


I will.  Then I hymn and I haw awhile and then whenst I feel their frustration coming through the speaker, (after they've said 12 times, ma'am, order when you're ready) I say, "erm, I tthhiinkkk I'll erm, haaave a... no, I'll take aaa.... wait. I don't want that neither.. What comes on the triple cheeseburger? Could I get that as a double, without cheese..? And without the bacon, no pickle... with extra onions please? "

After it's all totaled up I say "Uh, never mind, Can I just get a large water with lots of ice, please?"


You KNOW someone prolly spits in it cuz I'm a bitch, cute, but still a bitch... so that's why I always drop it right in front of them just outside my car door as they hand it to me, "Whoopsies, my BAD",  just so's I can watch them make me a fresh one. Works every time..  It gives me something to do. So what if they give me a dirty look as the line piles up behind me and I've wasted a few minutes of their precious time... it's MY life and I'll do what I want. They aren't da boss a' me.

And I try to hit a different drive-thru when I can, just for variety.. some days it's bugger-king, or farbies, or taco-hell.. cuz that's how I roll.. spread the LERVE, peeps... spread the lerve.

I guess that's enough of my bullshit for one sitting. I am making hoe-made pizza for my supper tonight. On NAAN bread, I must say.

I'm a hoe and I'm a makin' it!

Easy peasy, and very cheesy.


(FYI; no foods or brains, not even patrons of wally world, were injured in the writing of THEE above scenario. All characters are made up, by me, for shits and giggles.)


ChiTown Girl said...

And THERE'S the C I now and love!!!


DysFUNctional Mom said...

Listen here - you need to find a way to get to Florida. Once you're here, stay with me and I don't live on the ocean but I will at least show you some lakes and creeks and redneck living!!!!

Clippy Mat said...

That made me laugh out loud. You might be on the bones of your arse but you've still got that wonderful gift of humour and writing that I've always loved. Hang on to it and let it help you through.
And go to Florida for a visit. That sounds lovely. Go be a redneck for a week.

Anonymous said...

A good sense of humor can get you through just about anything. Very funny, you are. xoxo

Stephanie said...

Oh it does sound like you have had a rough road but I adore that your humour is still intact! Hugs and prayers that each day you get a little stronger and the days get a little easier...