neVer let gO Of hOpe.

I found this show on mTV called "couples therapy." I actually stayed up until 2:00 am watching it and it brought up feelings in me that I need to get out. It made me cry because I could relate on so many levels.

A 13 year old boy made a YouTube video, his name is Jonah Mowry, which can be viewed hErE. He wanted to end his life because ever since he began school, he has been bullied, beat up, called names, and was a self-cutter beginning in the second grade. THE SECOND GRADE! Do any of you have a child or grandchild that age? I would KILL anyone who hurt my child, but his parents didn't know about it. He endured for years in his silence.

He is gay.

When he finally came out to his parents, they were very supportive and he somehow found the courage and strength to make the video, and take a stand that he DID belong in this world, that he WAS here for a reason, because he was so afraid to go back to school. And the reason he made the video is purely to give hope and support to others who are in similar situations. It is really worth watching.

What it stirred up in me is pain, anger, and frustration that each generation seems to learn nothing from the previous one. Pain because I was bullied in my youth and through high school, even a few years here and there as an adult. I always had a hard time saying what I wanted to say, in my own defense at the time I should have said it.

I am angry that this behavior goes so far back in history, as humans we have come so far, yet this is STILL allowed to happen to our children. It doesn't even matter what the reason for the bullying is, whether it be because you are gay, a different color, poor, fat, short, tall, just different... and sometimes there isn't ANY reason at all. There are a million scenarios and reasons.

Yet, as victims we ALL end up in the same place emotionally. Physical scars may heal but words can be remembered forever and their scars go much deeper than the skin.

They go to the heart and soul of the person, and destroy a part of them that may never be able to be fixed or healed. It annihilates their self worth and purpose for being here. In my youth I was made to feel like I was SO ugly, bad, unworthy, and insignificant (by my own family and kids at school) that I didn't even see myself as part of the human race. I felt like I was way below that value and I let people treat me badly without standing up for myself out of fear. Fear of what? I've yet to figure that out.. I STILL to this day have difficulty telling one of my family members how I'm made to feel when certain things are said.

My point in all of this ranting is that we must ALL work together to stop the bullying because in many cases, our young kids are taking their own lives as a way out of the pain inflicted upon them. I have ventured into that darkness a few times myself at different points in my life, and I thank God that I am a coward and didn't attempt it. But once that place is visited as the "only way out" it remains a place that is visited when ever life makes one feel like there is NO HOPE... like being locked in a room without windows or doors... it's a very helpless situation to be in.

If one loses ALL hope that life will get better, and that they DESERVE it to be... what's the point in staying? I personally have been through a lot in my life and I am still here, but only by the grace of God. This boy Jonah is very inspiring even if it is difficult to watch. I think all of us on some level, can relate to his suffering.

C