..it's Saturday night and I am so stressed that I am going to try and relieve some of it by writing.
..we went to my sister's who lives in Omaha, for a game of cards. her hubby is home now from a bidness trip.. & the evening was pleasant until the last 30 mins. somehow, the subject of smoking came up. I have never been a smoker, have always hated it as far back as I can remember. my parents both smoked, and they were careless smokers. by that I mean they never took anyone's obvious signs of gagging and wafting away the smoke, into consideration. it was all about them. and they were a part of the crowd who invented smoking in the car with the windows rolled up, with little kids breathing in all the carcinogens from the back seat. I shiver even at the memory of it.
..to make a long story short, that particular sister started sneaking puffs off of our mother's smokes when she wasn't looking... thus, really enjoyed it and picked up that nasty habit at the ripe ole age of 12 -13. she has only quit in the past three years. and since she has quit, she has become the judge and jury of other people who still smoke. she is worse about it than I ever was! but tonight, she blurted out that she only started smoking when she was 45 yrs. old.
BIG FREEKIN LIE, right there, right there... and so, I remarked that she began smoking long before she was 45!!!
and that's when the fight started..
..if looks could kill, I'd be dead. she became very irate, like I was accusing her of prostitution or summit. I chuckled and said, "it's nothing to be ashamed of, why you getting SO mad?" we had a huge argument and she stormed off upstairs mumbling something nasty about me, so we left.
..let me clear up the picture I just drew for you, of how it is between her and I. a few months ago, she blurted out in front of company that I was such a trouble maker in my youth that I was kicked out of the catholic elementary school in the 6th grade. she also called me a liar at another time, when I told someone I used to teach CCD when my first son was in pre-school. we argued about those two things, all the while laughin because she thought she pulled something over on me.
..but the truth is, what she said are lies. I DID teach sundee school (CCD) for 3 years to the catholic pre-school class Nicholas was in, and then k-3. and during summer bible school, I taught 6th graders.
..I also hand drew several posters to hang on our pull out walls in the church basement, where we had the classes. I told her I could produce pictures to prove it, and then I realized I don't have to prove anything to her. I KNOW what I have done in my life, no matter what she thinks she knows.
..as I have said before, I have been very stressed this summer because of my lack of a job etc... so shit like this just adds more pressure on me. I was having shortness of breath and angina on the way home, basically an anxiety attack.. I'm just waiting for the Ativan to kick in..
..Diane got us home and I was able to hash it out at Diane, my sounding board. she took time to massage my neck, my shoulders, my back, and arms whilst I poured me guts out, which helped greatly. she has always been very good at comforting/supporting me. just her touch alone on my body, feels so nurturing, sensual, healing, and caring. I tell her all the time that she has magic hands like no other..
..so now, I am back to square one with my cRaZy family dynamics. there is more, but I will spare you.. I'm pretty sure you get the picture.
..I just can't seem to keep the peace. I am not the kind of person who can sit there quietly & keep my mouth shut when the person right across the table is blatantly lying.. SHE never holds back, yet when I beg to differ, it's not allowed without a huge palaver like tonight. ERRRRGG!!
family. you can't sell'em all off to the same person..
..Diane and I prepared a huge beef rump roast for sundee dinner later today. I am going to invite my son and his friend over to eat with us. it's marinating nicely in the fridge, like a good roast should.
..well it's time for bed so good night and have a great sundee. get summit simmering on the stove or in the oven, and let the lovely, comforting aromas seduce your taste buds all afternoon.. I promise, you can't get pregnant..
think I'll take a last peek at the news to see where Irene is rollin into at this hour, the slut.