"...wE mUst bE thE chAnGe wE wiSh tO sEE iN thE wOrld..." K.G.

7/26/2011

…IT HAS BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I SAT DOWN TO WRITE HERE. A LOT HAS HAPPENED AND I AM SURE MANY OF YOU ARE WONDERING WHY I HAD TO CHANGE MY BLOG TITLE… WELL, GRAB YOURSELF A CUPPA AND I WILL FILL YOU IN.

AS YOU KNOW MY YOUNGEST SISTER CAME TO VISIT FOR THE PAST 3 WEEKS, AND EVERYTIME SHE DOES, THERE IS A BIG PALARVA CREATED BY OUR OTHER SISTER, DENISE. THIS TIME WAS NO DIFFERENT, THE SHIT HIT THE FAN. YOU KNOW THAT POST WHERE I VENTED MY FRUSTRATION ABOUT DENISE AND HOW SHE CREATES DRAMA DUE TO HER JEALOUSIES & INSECURITIES WHEN THE 3 OF US GET TOGETHER? WELL, MY DAUGHTER HAS THE ADDY FOR MY BLOG, THE “MIDWESTERN MAMA..” ONE, AND AFTER SHE READ WHAT I HAD WRITTEN, SHE CALLED DENISE AND TOLD HER. [WE HAVEN’T BEEN TALKING LATELY, ANYWAY…BUT WTF?]DENISE THEN FOUND MY BLOG, READ MY POST AND THAT’S WHEN THE SHIT HIT THE FAN. I HAVE BEEN BETRAYED BY MY DAUGHTER & SISTER ONCE MORE AND THIS TIME MY SISTER DENISE GOT HURT.

I FELT SAFE ON HERE TO VENT MY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS. I NO LONGER FELT SAFE AND CHANGED EVERYTHING I COULD THINK OF ON HERE AS I NEED TO FEEL SAFE AGAIN. THIS IS MY SPACE, MY THOUGHTS, MY FEELINGS AND I NEED TO FEEL THE FREEDOM OF BEING OKAY TO SAY WHATEVER THE FUCK I NEED TO SAY.

THAT’S WHY NO ONE BUT JOANNE HAD MY ADDY IN MY FAMILY. DENISE IS NOT SPEAKING TO JO OR I, AND HAS REFUSED TO TALK IT OUT, OR MEET WITH US TO TRY TO WORK THROUGH IT. JO SPENT THE LAST WEEK WITH DIANE AND I, AND NO DENISE. I FEEL BADLY THAT SHE READ HOW I FELT, BUT I SHOULD OF PUFFED UP MY GONADS AND BEEN TELLING HER WHAT I THINK, ALL ALONG… LIKE IN OUR WHOLE LIFE.

SO HERE I AM, BACK WITH A NEW & HOPEFULLY SAFE SPACE… BUT WTHOUT A SISTER AND DAUGHTER. NEITHER ONE WANTS ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME.

I’M SO CHARMING, YA KNOW.

“IF IT WEREN’T FOR BAD LUCK, I’D HAVE NO LUCK AT ALL…. GLOOM, DESPAIR, AGONY ON MOI”. [FROM THE OLD HEE HAW SHOW].

WHILST JO WAS HERE, WE DID A LOT OF SHOPPING, WE HIT ALL THE GOODWILLS IN THIS CITY, AND SHOPPED ON BASE, TOO. I DON’T HAVE MUCH MOOLAH AS I AM STILL NOT WORKING, BUT JO TREATED US TO EVERYTHING!! BLESS HER LITTLE TEENY WEENY NOSE PIERCING. OOPS, SHE PROLLY WANTED TO TELL YOU HERSELF BUT I GUESS I SPILLED DA BEANS. SORRY, JO!

THAT IN ITSELF IS QUITE THE STORY FOR ANOTHER POST! HER LITTLE NOSE GEM IS THE SIZE OF THIS PERIOD . <---[PIC’S TO FOLLOW IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS].  <------- SEE? THERE’S ANUDDER ONE.

ONE DAY JO, DIANE, AND I DROVE TO DES MOINES, IOWA…. FOR THE DAY. WE ATE AT  JOE’S CRAB SHACK, SHOPPED TILL WE DROPPED AT THE ADJACENT MALL, AND HAD A GREAT TIME.

SHE LEFT THIS MORNING AND I HATED TO SEE HER LEAVE. BUT SHE IS HEADED SOUTH TO AUSTIN, TEXAS TO SEE OUR BROTHER. I FELT SO VERY SAD BECAUSE NOW I HAVE 3 OF MY 4 KIDS TO SHARE LIFE WITH, NO JULIAN, NO SISTER IN TOWN, AND IT REALLY HURTS ME DEEPLY. IT FEELS LIKE PARTS OF ME ARE MISSING, TIME IS PASSING BY TOO FAST AND I DON’T WANT TO WASTE A SINGLE MINUTE OF IT… I FEEL LIKE I AM BEING PUNISHED EVEN THOUGH I KNOW I’M NOT. I WOULD FEEL SO MUCH BETTER IF I COULD JUST FIND A FUCKING  JOB, AS ALOT OF MY SELF WORTH AND IDENTITY WAS TIED UP IN MY CAREER. NOW THAT I DON’T HAVE A CAREER, THERE ISN’T MUCH LEFT TO GIVE ME STRENGTH AND FAITH TO KEEP TRYING & HOPING.

BUT, TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY… AND MY NEW BLOG HONORS THE PRECIOUS PUSSYWILLOWS THAT HOLD A SPECIAL MEANING TO ME.

C

7 comments:

Jamie said...

I have been in your shoes, regarding the family/blogging thing. I guess that is the ONLY reason that the old fashioned diaries are better, unless of course, they are snooped in.

I hope you can mend the family fences soon. Surely things will improve with time...sisters are sisters above all.

Hugs to you, my new friend. :)

Maria said...

As someone who was disowned by my entire family,save for one sister...I get it. I was alone for 14 years. I still remember how weird it felt to have nowhere to go on the holidays...thank god for Bing. She was my bff then and she always made sure to set a place for me at her table.

You know...you can't let it get to you. All of my sisters have my blog address and I refuse to hold back. I am never as mean as I could be, but I don't hide. Don't hide either. You have an opinion and it is yours to keep. As long as you aren't name calling or mean, it is your perfect right. If I were you, I would refuse to back down. But then...I am stubborn as a mule.

I was in Des Moines too! But, just for quick trip to see Lee DeWyze perform. What on earth was there that wasn't in Omaha? Did you pass the bridges of Madison county? I grew up not far from there in a tiny town whose claim to fame is that is John Wayne's birthplace.

No regrets, you. Stand tall. Or if you are like me...stand as tall as you can in your 5 foot self.

Glad that you had fun with Jo. She sounds like a whippersnapper that one.

sophie...^5 said...

There's always a way to find things on the net...really....beware...nothing is hidden for long. If someone wants to find you they will...so discretion is the better part of Valerie or is that Valour! lol

Busy Bee Suz said...

I can't believe your daughter sold you out....but then again, it might be a good thing for Denise to finally read the truth of how you feel. Maybe deep inside...she will start to re-evaluate how she treats you??? One can only hope.
So glad you had fun with Jo....I can't believe she got a period on her nose. Now that is embarrassing...at least for a few days a month.
((hugs to you))
Suz

ChiTown Girl said...

Oh my freakin' hell!!! You have GOT to be kidding me! I wish you had called or emailed me while this was happening, so I could give you some love. I'm so sorry.

You REALLY should have called me when you're lunatic sister pierced her nose!!! I would have driven there and slapped her upside her head. What the hell was she thinking? Jo!! WTF?!?

Ok, now that I got that out of my system, as long as Jo likes it and it makes her happy, so be it. I'll just have to be sure not to stand next to her when she blows her nose now, as to not get sprayed with snot out of her nose hole!! yuk!

betty & wilma said...

thanks, everyone!

joe said...

Boy you guys sure aren't the Waltons..