…things have not been too good in our household lately. a lot of stress and no job offers for me. even though I’m not working , there still doesn’t seem to be enough time for everything, everyday. I’m sure my depression has been fueled by my situation, and I seem to have more bad days than good ones at the moment. some family dynamics are changing, and of course, more stress there. we are barely hanging on financially, and I feel a rage building up inside of me, due to frustration of my injury preventing me from doing what I did before the accident, and the fact that my impairment narrows the window for employment for me so much so, there just aren't that many positions available for what I am trained in, or what I have done. the truth is that I can no longer perform CPR and that is a requirement for nearly every nursing position, even those in an office. I feel like I have lost my livelihood. I held on to my faith that something would come into view for me, but right now I can’t see past tomorrow. I am feeling the toll physically on my body that my emotional status is causing me… I am losing motivation and energy I need to keep going. I do not know how long I can continue at this level of stress, live on a minimal income, remain positive, and keep going although it feels like I am going uphill with an elephant in tow. I have difficulty sleeping, my appetite is affected, I have lost interest in things I usually enjoy very much~ including blogging, and playing my beloved scrabble game I have on my computer… just to name a few. and sex? forgettaboutit.
I am a hot mess.
…as negative as I may sound, I know there are people in worse situations than I, with problems that mine pale to in comparison… that makes me feel somewhat guilty for complaining. but fuck, that shouldn’t invalidate my situation, as for me, it is my reality I live in, not the appearances of someone else’s.. I apologize in advance if this post bums you out… hopefully my next one will be cheerier. maybe I will have good news to share… let’s hope for the best.
…I am SERIOUSLY considering a phone sex job.. if Anne Hathaway can do it, so can I.