"...wE mUst bE thE chAnGe wE wiSh tO sEE iN thE wOrld..." K.G.


just when you think it's safe to go back in the water... [begin jaws music] another shark lurks just waiting to get a piece of me..

so the writers of "as the shit hits the fan" have decided to add another chapter to the series. it shall be called "over the river and through the woods and up my ass we go". and it goes something like this-

i had a blood transfusion yesterday because my hemoglobin was so low. the 2 units didn't bring it up very much so now i need to have a colonoscopy because they think i am bleeding internally. can you believe the only thing I'm worried about is farting on the table? they'll be examining my inner most privately sanctioned caverns and all i really care about is that i don't fart on the table.

by the time it's all said and done, they will have probed and prodded every part of me. why can't there be one scan you get that tells you all at once what's wrong inside and be done with it..

i feel like calling in sick on my life but who in their right mind would step in to deal with the tons of baggage I've left for them.. nope. it's just me and Elvis. and lemme tell you he AIN'T nuttin but a hound dog... but I'm the one cryin all the time.

speaking of sex, getting older really sucks. who invented gravity, and why? what used to be up there on me is now down here... and what used to be down here is now dragging on the floor. i have to be careful when i walk that i don't trip over me own breasticles. some little boy was riding his bike the other day and ran right over my nipple... i thought i would kill the lil bastard. worse yet, he didn't even notice. so now i have ONE completely squashed nipple and she is not happy. how am i sposed to 'splain that, Lucy?

deep sigh, such is my life.

well that's it for now from your broken armed- newly stented- wound packed- anemic- bloggy buddy who's arse will soon be invaded by Darth Vader and his crew... who knows what they'll find in the black hole.... maybe another fucking galaxy? it wouldn't surprise me.

smily436.gif Star Wars Darth Vader Lightsaber Duel Smiley Smilie Emoticon Animation Animated Animations Gif image by prestonjjrtr



ChiTown Girl said...

I have no words.

If I didn't know better, I'd swear you're making this shit up, woman!!!

Busy Bee Suz said...

Oh my gosh. I am with Chi...just amazing stuff that happens to you. And not GOOD amazing either.
Darth vader scares me.
sorry about your nipple.

hugs, Suz

jo.irish.rose said...

how will you ever nurse? i guess you will just just have to bottle feed....rofl!! WTH??? i leave for just a few days and all this happens!! you couldn't of planned it while i was there so i could take care of you? geez....nice timing lucy....nice....see if i get sick when you come visit me! hmmphhh! (nose in air!) speaking of a spanking, how is diane? you don't mention her at all!
and also....hows the other sister? i get wind of her a bit and she complains here and there....gotta love her...she's a relative ya know. well, stay off your feets, no hanky panky, get some rest, no lifting, and puhleeeeze keep your nipples to your self!!! k? that should cover everything! OHHHH! and put a posty note on your butt: EXIT ONLY!! they won't go in i promise!!! ha ha!! love you! jojo

Technodoll said...

Please tell me you'll have an general anaesthesia for this godforsaken procedure and not just a sedative! that way you'll never know if you fart... *grin*

seriously, i don't know what to say anymore. at least you can walk, see, hear, speak (cuss) and eat by yourself.

could be worse, right???


(( hugs ))