"...wE mUst bE thE chAnGe wE wiSh tO sEE iN thE wOrld..." K.G.

10/18/2009

this could be any one of us..

sad rain

 i took care of a new mom this past week and i feel the need to share the story because it is still lingering on my mind. she [the mom] was born and raised in Mexico, abandoned by her parents, raised by grandparents until they died. very poor people. migrated to California as a teen and fell in love with a boy also from Mexico and married. they had 3 kids. they lived in L.A. until 3 years ago when they moved here as his family had migrated to Omaha. she is a victim of domestic violence. all this girl has ever known in her life was abuse, neglect, and poverty. once she and her husband moved here, the abuse became worse. she found the courage to leave him one day while the kids were in school, planning to pick them up from there and go to a shelter. she wanted out, and tried to get out. its hard to arrive to the point where the woman will actually leave, in a domestic violence situation. when she went to pick the girls up from school he was there and would not let her take them. she had nothing left to fight him at this point and no place to live, no money, food, or any of their belongings. she walked away in shame and moved in with a friend. the only time she could see the kids was if she walked up to the school during lunch and sat with them. sometimes she would walk them home to the husband's apartment, but would have to quickly leave as he would not let her in their home.

she met up with an old friend from California who also grew up in Mexico. he was a mutual friend to her and her husband back in the day. he was very supportive to her, very gentle, and treated her with respect and affection. they fell in love. she became pregnant. when her husband found out he was enraged. he began making the 15 year old daughter do all the chores another parent should be doing, and taking care of the other 2 younger kids. she had in fact become the other parent in every way but sexually. the mom tried to get into the system when she first left her husband, but her situation was complicated and she could not. now that she was pregnant, she was able to get on Medicaid, food stamps.... the whole gamut of assistance available to women in her situation. she now has a lawyer through legal aid and is fighting for full custody of her other 3 kids.

when she was 5 months pregnant, back in June of this year, some of his family members were waiting for her in her car, when she came out of an OB appointment at the Nebraska Medical Center Hospital here. they assaulted her in the car, placed a wire around her neck from behind and choked her with it until she passed out. they proceeded to stab her, beat on her, and cut her. when they believed she was dead, they took off. however, it was all filmed on surveillance camera in the underground parking garage and help arrived shortly after they fled. she spent a good month in the ICU recovering. by the grace of god, she did not die nor lose her baby. apparently, her husband's family are involved in many illegal activities including ammunitions and drugs, and belong to a very powerful west coast gang. they wanted her dead because she knew too much and had "left the flock". this kind of life was all she had ever known. yes, she did leave, but she never would have said a word as she feared for her kids safety. after this attempt on her life however, she gave the FBI all the information she had with phone numbers, names, and addresses. these gang hoodlums fled Nebraska and went back to the west coast... and have not been found. they couldn't prove her husband was involved and maybe he wasn't but it makes you wonder..

her new boyfriend has been there for her and their new baby which i helped deliver last week. they were my only couplet those 2 nights so i had alot of time to sit and talk with her, which is how i learned everything i just shared with you.

in July, she was walking back from seeing her kids at a park when she found herself crying and walking aimlessly, in deep depression and hopelessness. she passed the abortion clinic in my neighborhood, and saw some pro-lifers holding up a sign with an aborted nearly full term baby on it, dismembered. the tiny hands were laid over the eyes with the caption "please mommy, don't". she was so distraught that when she saw the sign she passed out right there on the sidewalk. the people who were gathered in protest and prayer took her to the women's center next door. one thing led to another and these kind women took her in, found her an apartment of her own and arranged all the appropriate meetings etc. for this woman to get into the system, get food stamps etc... she has been going to WMCA domestic violence victims classes, therapy, her kids are also in therapy, she has a lawyer to fight for custody... you name it, she got it... and now has everything she needs to change her life and start over fresh with her new baby and other 3 kids. she and her boyfriend plan on getting married once she is divorced and they will move to where he works, a town 2 hours away. she is hoping to finally be free from all remnants of her previous life so she can raise her family in peace and safety of a small town where no one from her past can haunt her. together they hope to build a new life. it's so satisfying to me to have an experience such as this, at my job. i am very thankful i did.

this woman is very beautiful, even with all the scars of her assault that have healed, and all of the worry lines in her face. looking at her you can clearly see she has had a rough life. she is the most humble, sweet, kind and appreciative person i have met in a long time. as she told me her stories of being treated "less than" because she is Hispanic, even back in L.A. where Hispanics are numerous, my heart just went out to her. i can really relate to what she must have felt because as i grew up in the projects, people treated me very badly and "less than" when i was a kid- because i was chubby, i came from the projects, and my father was in jail... i know the pain of being looked down upon, of hearing painful remarks and called names.. i know what it's like to be pushed around and beaten up, of being judged by my outer appearance when they had no fucking clue what kind of person i was on the inside... i don't think it matters if you are any minority, gay, color, poor, whatever.... if you are different from the norm in any way, there will unfortunately be those who judge and taunt and hurt you... both physically and verbally- to any extreme even up to death. she and i connected on some level, and i tried to let my compassion flow to her, and from the time i had her as my patient, i loved her, treated her with all the kindness i had in me, because i knew she needed it. i knew she had known so little of it. if i could have embraced her and kept her safe for the rest of her life, i would have. i have to settle for knowing i gave what i could while i could and let that be enough. one of my weaknesses is that i want to fix the world and everyone in it. i want everyone to feel loved and safe.. which of course cant be my responsibility, yet in my soul that's how i feel. i will continue to pray for her and her kids... they are good people caught up in very bad things. around here, Hispanic, middle eastern, and black people are such a focus of judgment and looked down upon as "less than"... i cannot stand it. there really isn't anything i can do about it except make sure i don't live my life that way in my little corner of the world. because of all the hype over the years, it has instilled fear into people when they encounter certain groups of people. what a shame for our society that it has come to that. even i, who wants to love everyone, am afraid at times just because of the actions of some and how it's portrayed on TV and in the news. our world has become a scary place where even the most loving of hearts has to be cautious and constantly hyper vigilant to the surroundings, because you never know what may happen around the corner.. bombings, murders, assaults, attacks, robberies, rapes- god help us.... people have just fucking gone nuts in this world. nuts, i say..

crp

7 comments:

Busy Bee Suz said...

wow. This poor woman has seen it all, and she has survived. I hope the rest of her life is blessed with love and happiness...and of course PEACE for her and her children.
Take care,
Suz

SkylersDad said...

I hope that poor woman can find some peace.

Clippy Mat said...

you being an ear for this woman, a shoulder to lean on and the face of someone who cares is what is great in this world.
don't stop doing that.
:-)))

ChiTown Girl said...

Thank you for sharing this. What a touching story. I don't think you fully realize what an impact you've had on this woman. I'm sure she is thankful that YOU were the nurse that took care of her and her baby, and I'll bet she remembers you in her prayers, the same way you've added her and her family to yours.

Chloie said...

What a touching story! I feel bad for the woman, but I'm glad that things now look promising for her.

jo.irish.rose said...

toone, i know that feeling of trying to fix everything....we are cut from the same loin...i am glad u were there for her...for that little bit of time she was well cared for. i pray that she is doing well. i love u for being u and doing what u do. it was my dream too, to be a nurse. i am glad u got ur dream. i have mine now...i love u bunchies....thank u for what u do!

Technodoll said...

It's hard to believe there is so little love in the world sometimes.

The planet needs more YOU and less of THEM, the rat-faced weevils.

You done good, honey.