"...wE mUst bE thE chAnGe wE wiSh tO sEE iN thE wOrld..." K.G.

2/03/2009

Melancholy

i was remembering when my kiddos were little, and i took them camping early one fall. it was just the 4 of them, and me. i was trying to recapture how i felt at the time, as this particular memory was the first time we ever went camping. i did all the packing & planning for food and necessities to last us the 4 days we would be there. i chose a state park in our area, which offered electrical hookups right there at the campsite. i brought their Nintendo/games, and a small TV to play it on. all we had to sleep in was a small pup tent that was only meant for 2 adults, yet we all fit nice and comfy cozy. our days were spent exploring the grounds, having breakfast in the lodge, hiking, climbing the tower, miniature golfing, petting the horses, and having a picnic lunch where ever we went that day. a lot of walking, talking, chasing, and fun. going for a spooky walk in the dark, with our flash lights. we had dinner around the campfire every evening, and toasted marshmallows. then it was time to snuggle up in our blankets in the tent, and watch the 2 older kids play Nintendo until we were tired. I'd zip us into the tent, and we'd talk, laugh, tell scary stories, and snuggle. the kids would fall asleep first, and i lay awake quietly thanking god for this time with them. i watched them sleep, and felt so fulfilled, cozy, and satisfied. i memorized that feeling of
contentment as if i would never feel it again.
tonight, i sit here and bring forth those memories to comfort myself. things are not going well for me right now. my injury, the pain, my money situation, my daughter, and after another brutal argument this afternoon that whole palaver with her now includes one of my sons. so i really need to feel some kind of comfort, draw from my well of love and good memories, let it embrace me, and fill me with the oh so wonderful times we used to have together when they were little. i would give anything right now, to experience another family night of togetherness when they were little, when all we had was each other, and it was enough.

CRP

10 comments:

Gina said...

hello!

i find most of my pictures on Flickr, i love just browsing around the site :)

Busy Bee Suz said...

Oh....it is good to have those memories to draw on when things are not going well. Just cherrish them and hope for more good ones to come. Life is full of speedbumps. You will pass this one too...
take care,
suz
ps. sounds like a wonderful trip.

kimber p said...

aw hun...I wish I could give you one of my huge bear hugs right now..this post is so emotion filled.
I don't even really know what else that I can say to make you feel better, other than to just hold on---do whatever it takes to stay positive and find that warm memory and sunshine and let it surround you until things turn around (and they ALWAYS do :) )

Clippy Mat said...

yes, i agree. it's just one of life's little speed bumps. any mom who loved and nurtured her kids in such a wonderful way when they were little cannot be too far from their love. they are working something out, for whatever reason.
i am sure you and dianne will come thru this together.
hold on.
just be patient.
don't give up.
hugs :-))

ChiTown Girl said...

Loved this post. I feel ya, Sista! I'm kinda having one of those mornings myself right now. Stud Muffin woke up in the middle of the night, puking his guts out. In between, I was sorta wishing he was 5 again, and wanted to be held and cuddled and taken care of. Instead, naturally, he just wanted to be left the hell alone. Even now, he's asleep in his room, and I'm fighting the urge to take the day off and stay home with him, even though I know he doesn't need me to. He probably will sleep most of the day, anyway. He surely doesn't want to lay on the couch with his mommy, and snuggle under the blankies :(

jo.irish.rose said...

pope stite toone, i just tried calling you, your never home! anyway, if i have to come over there and beat up some kids, they will regret making me pull over!! how dare they treat you like that after that nice camping trip among other wonderful things!! put your little head on my shoulder now and let me pet you. poor lil toone. come over and i will take good care of you. kids can be so insensitive sometimes. they say hurtful things without ever thinking of all the stuff moms do/did/are doing for them. mine do too, we will be talking and they just say stuff out of the blue that cuts just like a frikking knife. AND misery loves company...if one of them is down, they will want to bring all in with them. who did she bring with her? that lil so and so! don't make me say bad words. you know i don't use them. but boy.....i could slap some one about now... send her over. AND we are having a blizzard, don't tell her, let her think it is warm out, lol 8-) that ought to cool her britches off. the little darling. see? i'm being nice. anyway, call me when you can. i love you and will talk to you later? your stite jo

random moments said...

Aww C. You almost made me cry. That's a beautifully sweet memory of you and your kids. J and I are going camping this weekend. I can't wait till we'll be bringing little kiddos along.

Btw, I posted the award you gave me and gave you one right back! :)

((hugs))

La Roo said...

I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time. It's good you wrote about it though, it helps sort out feelings. Please take good care of yourself. Things seem to escalate when we are down, so make sure you do a little something for yourself that makes you happy. Smile.

Chloie said...

My prayer goes out to you and your family. I hope everything turns out well soon. Feel better! {Hugs}

J. Hi said...

This really tugged at my heart. Seems like we all should cherish the good times and pray through the bad. I'll say one for you, sweetie.