today is the 20 year anniversary of when my mother died. she had emphysema and suffered for years with it. she was also living in California with my youngest sister, Joanne... (after having lived with us for months, in her hospital bed and all of her equipment in our living room). i took Nicholas and Emily (our only children at the time) by Amtrak train to go visit her in California. (we live in Nebraska). i knew it would be the last time i saw her in this world. when i returned home from the trip, i was deeply grieving and decided to write her a letter clearing my heart, telling her i loved her, and asking her to forgive me for all the bad daughter things i ever did. i also told her i forgave her, for all the bad mommy things she did, as i didn't want her to pain over anything that occurred in our lives. (a whole other story). apparently when she received my letter, she became enraged at it, and told my sister she was disowning me. she wouldn't take my calls, or listen to any messages i sent to her via Joanne.
i was watching TV with Nicholas, and Emily was down for a nap. (our only kids at the time). we were watching his fave show, which was about 2 mannequins who come to life after the toy store closes. the main characters on this show never taught or spoke other languages as they did on sesame street... yet, suddenly i heard one say to the other "merci beaucoup pour tout tu a fait" which is french for " thank you very much for all you have done for me". (my mother was Canadian, and always spoke in french to us, we are all bilingual) at the exact same time i heard that, it felt like someone was holding my shoulders down in the recliner and i couldn't move. i also became lightheaded, short of breath, and felt as though someone or something passed thru my soul, kinda tingly, kinda whooshy, kinda spiritual. my hearing faded out a bit as if i were going to pass out... then just as suddenly as it came, it was gone. it must have lasted only seconds but to me it was somehow in
slow motion that seemed like minutes.
i sat there in bewilderment. i was contemplating
what had just occurred. i asked Nicholas,
who was laying on the floor in front of me, if
he heard those guys on TV speak french,
to which he replied "no."
i didn't understand what had happened.
about 5 minutes later, my sister called me from California to inform me our mother had died about 10 minutes ago. i told her what happened and we worked out the timeline to precisely
match my experience and the moment she died.
i have always felt like that was her way of comforting me,
and letting me know she really didn't amputate me.
so today, i will think of her, and send her my love.... even if only in spirit.
20 years already...... wow.
has anyone else ever have such an experience?