"...wE mUst bE thE chAnGe wE wiSh tO sEE iN thE wOrld..." K.G.

12/28/2008

OK. so Christmas is over until next year... which is just 2 days away, actually. i cant believe how fast this year went by. each new year seems to go by faster and faster, to me. i remember floatin in the pool this summer in 100 degree heat saying to Diane and the kids- damn! Christmas is just next week and they'd reply "OH, MOM" and I'd laugh and say, but it is! this morning i was just saying to Diane and the kids, summer will be here next week, guys... as we shivered in -10 degrees waiting for the car to warm up as Diane chipped the ice off the windows. however, this morning she didn't find that funny as the snot froze to her upper lip area whilst she scraped... my point being that time is passing much too quickly. when i was younger, it seemed as though it was a longer interval between the seasons.....
i always think about making a new years resolution once Christmas is over. my whole life i have done that, only to fail badly over what seemed to be good intentions as far as i was concerned. I'm 53 and never succeeded in attaining one frikking new years resolution in my whole life. they were usually about dieting and losing weight, improving grades in school, doing better on the swim team, being a better this and a better that.... some were fantasy thoughts like if i was really good this year my dad would come back.... my attempts at a fresh start were in vain, lasting almost through January. once i "fell off the wagon" i spent several months feeling like a loser and would beat myself up inside to prove it. what terrible pressures new years resolutions put on you! WTF. why do we do that to ourselves? well its that time of year again, and i am going to make my new years resolution and claim it publicly on here so i will HAVE to achieve it if only to save face!
are you ready to know what it is? are you sure???
OK then, here i go. my 2009 new years resolution is ...drum roll.... wait for it..... to have no resolutions ever again! they are a bad excuse for devaluing my self esteem and worth and i refuse to fuck myself over yet one more time. i am going to accept my self as i am- a fluffy-not-stuffy short lovable loose internet surfer slut lesbian who pees and snorts when she laughs too hard, is passionate about food and sex and is in love for the last time in her life with Diane her wife.... i am perfect just the way i am with all of my faults and strengths and weaknesses. God loves me. i am enough. i make a difference.
yep.

CRP



7 comments:

random moments said...

Hi!! I'm back, I've been such a slacker.

I so very well know what you mean about the resolution and LOVE yours this year! Great idea. I must admit, I still have hope and made the same one I did for myself last year. To lose weight. But this time I gave myself a more realistic goal - to lose just 10lbs. I think sometimes we set unrealistic goals for ourselves for our resolutions, this one seems less scary.

Busy Bee Suz said...

resolutions are silly...no one keeps them!!! I stopped that years ago, well except for the resolution a few years back that I claimed for the next year I would let EVERYTHING go. I did, I lost my figure. still have not gotten it back. how is that for crappy???
you have a good life it seems....love, family and all that jazz. what else do we need???
nuttin.
take care,
suz

C said...

yep, we have the things which mean the most and i have someone who loves even tho i am fluffy. the hard part is loving myself. i'm always working on that.
thank you all for the comments! happy new year!
C

SkylersDad said...

I love your resolution, I am going to adopt it myself.

So you used to swim eh? My wife is on a masters team, what stroke is your best?

ChiTown Girl said...

Happy New Year to you and yours! And, I'm with you, screw the resolutions. We ARE perfect, just the way we are!

C said...

skylers dad, i did the breast stroke in high school and i also did synchronized swimming. never really went further with it but would have loved to now, looking back. oh well. i think i was supposed to be a porpoise cuz i am SO at home in the water, near the water, and it draws me to it. it always has. i feel the free-est when i am in water. BUT i can only swim when i can see the bottom of the pool. i cant do rivers and oceans, although i have. it frightens me.

chitown, i hope you and yours have a safe wonderful new years eve, as well. what are your plans? hope you have fun.

C

Clippy Mat said...

hear hear!
good post.
you are a smart girl.
;-)