"...wE mUst bE thE chAnGe wE wiSh tO sEE iN thE wOrld..." K.G.


...went downtown to the farmer's market this morning by myself after dropping Alex off at work.... i absolutely LOVE going there. i was able to find the juiciest, biggest blueberries which i plan to eat with heavy cream and sugar later today..... (yes that's heavy cream i said... erm, I'm too thin as it is....)
the smell of foods cooking for free samples, (specially those candied German almonds) and surrounding restaurants preparing for the lunch menu, flooded me with feelings of comfort and hunger. memories ran through my mind of past occasions i now associate with foods, and the desire to cook tasty meals for my family and friends. i wish i were rich and could just entertain on a full time basis. i get such joy out of cooking for people. my rewards are hearing little moans of satisfaction and the looks of total enjoyment on their faces as they devour my creations. i can't pinpoint one thing to use as my excuse to go to the farmer's market early Saturday mornings, as i am NOT a morning person anyway... but i was pondering as i walked around this morning and have come to the conclusion that it is the combination of the people watching- doggie petting- parents pushing babies in strollers- aroma inspiring- crowd exhilarating- food tasting- cool breeze blowing experience which brings me such pleasure. there is a calm energy in the air of those seeking a good buy. i find it comforting to be among people with similar desires. it brings back wonderful memories of when my kids were little and the warmth i felt going on outings with them. the sounds of the market fill the air with chatter, prices, compliments.."oh you have such a cute doggie/baby....howv'e you been, i haven't seen you for SO long... we could invite so and so over for dinner tonight and make such and such..."
you can hear the banging and clanging of the crane a few blocks over working on yet another construction project in our downtown area... cars going by, delivery trucks honking to get through, popcorn being made, musicians playing their instraments with their cases open for donations from appreciative passersby, vendors calling you in for a sample. all of it. all of it filling my senses in every possible way. i look at kids with their parents and make small assumptions and judgements in my mind of the kind of family they must be, as i fantasize what it would be like to have parents and security like that, since i never did. i look at little groups of people shopping together, and invent warm scenarios of their lives after they leave here, perceived by the intimacy they appear to have as they laugh, talk, point and plan. pieces of conversations i overhear as people pass by, sometimes lures me into following them just to be able to hear the rest of it... as i imagine what their lives must be like. everyone so friendly, saying "hi, how are ya..." in passing. strangely, that comforts me, gives me a feeling of community. there is a silent acknowledgement that we are all there for the same reason.... even though no one will say it out loud.
it renews my faith that there truly is love all around us, if we just look.
all of these things combined humbles me into gratefulness to be a part of this early morning excursion... to be blessed enough to be able to afford to buy blueberries and experience total enjoyable bliss among strangers who will never know how they affected me, even if just briefly.
as i drive home with my purchases, i let the experience float through me, as it slowly blends into thoughts of home, what i have awaiting me, and the blessings i have in my own life. memories of this morning will fade as i go about my daily life, and come next Saturday, i will go downtown to experience it all over again.

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